


Pathetic, Clinging Poetry

by sapphicjasper



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Human AU, Slow Burn, mainly pearlmethyst but there will be hints of other ships too, trigger warnings are in the notes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-06
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2019-10-23 14:03:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 40,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17684867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicjasper/pseuds/sapphicjasper
Summary: After escaping from the control of her mother, Pearl struggles to adjust to her new life. Her main source of comfort is an old composition notebook of poetry about her ex-girlfriend, and the possibility that she can find her again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **TW for implied abuse, and homophobia for later chapters.**
> 
> i've had this idea for about half a year now and im glad i finally got around to writing it! thank you for reading! ^w^

_When you embraced me,_  
_I felt like my feet could sink into the earth,_  
_And I was a flower who'd just sprouted._  
_Yet I'd never been more free._

* * *

Anxiety bubbled up in Pearl's chest as she glanced over to the backpack sitting in the corner of her room. She let out a sigh; she still couldn’t believe what she was about to do. Her heart ached for Peony, who she'd tried to convince to come along; but her sister insisted she couldn't bring herself to leave their mother all alone. Every now and then Pearl had considered staying behind just so Peony wouldn't suffer alone -- but she shook those thoughts off right away. She couldn't put this off any longer. 

She rose to her feet and stretched, and then went over her mental checklist one last time. She'd packed just about all of the necessities, and enough bottled water and snacks to sustain her for the long car ride ahead. She'd deleted every photo and every last app on her phone; bringing it along only made it easier for someone to track her down, so she planned to leave it behind. All that was left was the tattered composition book Pearl stored beneath her mattress. Once she'd fished it out and slipped it into her bag, Pearl took a deep breath. _'This is not your fault. You wouldn't be doing this if you didn't have to. If she wanted you to stay, she wouldn't have given you so many reasons to leave.'_ Pearl silently reassured herself. 

Slinging the bag over her shoulders, Pearl pushed her bedroom door open and tiptoed down the stairs as quietly as she could manage. A stair inevitably creaked here and there, but not loudly enough to wake anyone. 

Pearl froze up once she reached the front door. She tried to reach out for the doorknob, but couldn’t bring her hand to move. Instead, she pressed her head against the door and let out a tiny whine. _'God, I wish I didn’t have to do this… Too late to change my mind now, though.'_ she thought, brushing a tear from her cheek. After finally pulling herself together, Pearl slowly turned the doorknob and pulled the door open -- flinching as it squeaked -- and stepped out into the chilly spring night. She locked the door behind herself -- hesitating one last time -- before she hurried out to her car and drove off. 

* * *

The first night was unbearable; Pearl knew she shouldn't complain, though. Compared to many others in her situation, she was fairly lucky; she at least had a place to run away _to_. The couch wasn't even particularly uncomfortable, either; just the unfamiliarity of her surroundings and the chronic cold sweat from her anxiety made everything around her unpleasant. 

She sat upright, smoothing out her matted hair; at least she was far away from her mother. That was what mattered more than anything. The sun began to shine through the window, and Pearl whined and buried her face back into her pillow. She'd probably gotten an hour of sleep, if she were to stretch it. 

"You alright?" 

Pearl flinched at the sudden voice, but she relaxed once she realized it was only Jasper. She was watching her from the doorway of the living room, a somewhat concerned expression on her face, a cup of steaming tea in her hands. "I wish I could say yes." Pearl responded, her voice just above a whisper. 

Jasper reached for the string on the tea bag, moving it around in the cup. "Yeah, that's what I expected. And don't take this as me trying to bring you down, but don't expect to feel better right away. You're probably gonna feel like garbage for a while." she said; she took a sip from her cup and winced. "Ouch. There go my taste buds." she mumbled, blowing on the tea in an attempt to cool it off. "Anyway, once it passes –and it will,— you're gonna be glad you got yourself outta there." 

Pearl sat upright, putting her head in her hands. "I really can't thank you enough for doing this." she said in an attempt to change the topic. "When I asked you if I could stay with you, I didn't think you'd say yes. I'd just been planning to live in my car until... I don't even know." she continued. "So... when you said yes, I really felt like I’d been blessed.” 

"Pfft, please. I'm just doing what any decent human would if they could." Jasper said, setting her mug on the coffee table and sitting down beside Pearl. "Besides, it gets lonely around here. Sure, I've got my sister, but still. I've missed you." 

Pearl couldn't help but blush. "Is there anything you'd like me to do while you're gone?" she asked. 

Jasper shrugged. "I dunno. Don't burn the house down. Make some brownies or something." 

"No, I'm serious! Give me a list of chores or _something_ , I don't want to stay around here and be a burden on you!" Pearl insisted, clasping her hands. 

"Pearl, just relax. You haven’t even been here for a whole day, and if I remember _anything_ about you from high school, it's that you're clean as can be and eat like a bird. I don't think you're going to be a burden on either of us." Jasper said, resting a hand on Pearl's shoulder. "Just... chill." 

Even though it should have been comforting, Jasper's stubbornness only frustrated Pearl. She got antsy when she didn't have anything to do... Even if there wasn't anything Jasper _wanted_ from her, perhaps she could find something to clean or organize after she left… "...Alright. I'll focus on myself today -- or at least try to." 

"Good. That's what I wanted to hear. I don't want you to do a single chore today, alright?" Jasper said, standing up and heading out of the living room. She stopped right in front of the doorway, glancing back at Pearl. "Except brownies. You should make brownies." 

Pearl smiled and rolled her eyes. "Of course. I'll make my special recipe." 

"Who the hell are you talking to at six in the morning?” a voice called from upstairs. 

"Really, Ame? You forgot Pearl was here?" Jasper called. “I’m just making sure she’s comfortable before I go to work.” 

"Oh, right." Amethyst peered into the living room from the top of the stairs, her hair a tangled mess. "Welp, I'm going back to bed, then. Nighty night, nerds." 

"Nighty night, butthead." Jasper said. Once Amethyst had retreated back to her room, she turned back to Pearl. "On top of not burning the house down... Try to be quiet for Amethyst. She usually sleeps til noon and gets _unbearable_ when she doesn't get her full twelve hours." 

Pearl smiled. "I don't think that'll be a problem." 

"I didn't think so either." Jasper said, continuing into the entry room and grabbing her coat from the closet. "Well, I gotta work now, as much as I'd rather stay here. Feel free to help yourself to whatever food we have. See you around four." 

"See you later!" Pearl said, waving to Jasper as she headed out the door. Once she was gone, she flopped back down onto the couch and buried her face into the pillow, hoping to block out the sunlight that way. Talking to Jasper had helped her relax a bit, so maybe she’d be able to get a _little_ sleep... The more she laid in silence, however, the more her mind was free to race, and she definitely couldn’t afford that. So she dragged herself to her feet and rubbed her eyes, groaning as she forced herself to stretch. Perhaps she could perk herself up with a little tea and catch up on sleep later... 

* * *

The sweet, chocolate scent of brownies filled the house; Pearl hummed to herself as she put on a pair of oven mitts and pulled the pan out of the oven, placing it on top of the stove. 

"Oooh, watcha making?" Amethyst asked, her mere presence causing Pearl to jump in surprise. 

"J-just some brownies." Pearl said, trying to hide just how much Amethyst had startled her. She didn't want to make her feel bad when she’d meant no harm… "They're for Jasper, but you're welcome to have some as well." 

"Aw yeah!" Amethyst said with a grin. She grabbed a knife and cut out a huge slice of the brownie, attempting to scoop it onto a plate; but because it was still hot, it all fell apart into a pile of mush. She simply shrugged; "What matters is the taste, even if it's ugly." Amethyst said. She grabbed a fork from the dishwasher and sat down at the table, taking a bite. "Ouch, fuck, hot!" 

Pearl stifled a giggle; what was with these two constantly burning their tongues? Did it run in the family or something? "Yes, well, it did just come out of the oven." 

Amethyst rolled her eyes, taking a sip of water to cool her mouth off. "Yeah, yeah. Anyway." she began once she recovered, giving Pearl a curious-yet-teasing look. "So uh, what's your deal?" 

Pearl was startled by the suddenness of her question; what was that even supposed to mean? "My... deal?" 

"Yeah. I mean, Jasper didn't tell me jackshit about why you're even staying here. At first I thought you guys were banging or something, but then I wondered, why'd she make you sleep on the couch? Is it some obscure fetish I'm not aware of?" 

Pearl blushed, cupping a hand over her mouth. "Dear Lord, no!" she gasped. Amethyst burst into laughter at the reaction, which only flustered Pearl even more. Amethyst apparently had no filter whatsoever... "She... Jasper allowed me to stay here because I needed to get away from where I was living. She was kind enough to give me a couch to sleep on." 

"Mhm." Amethyst said once she recovered from laughing, wiping a tear from her eye. "And where were you living before?" 

_'She sure is nosy...'_ Pearl thought. "With my mother. A few states over. She was... very controlling. I couldn't stand to live with her any longer, so I ran away." Pearl said. 

"Aw, that sucks." Amethyst said, taking another bite of her brownie; she looked a bit uncomfortable, as if she hadn't expected Pearl's answer to be _that_ serious. "Sorry you had to deal with that shit. Also, these brownies are good as fuck." 

Pearl tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, sitting down at the table across from Amethyst. She was somewhat thankful for the awkward change in conversation Amethyst had proposed. "Oh, thank you. I came up with the recipe myself! Or, well, I took another recipe and altered it until I thought it was perfect." Pearl said, resting her arms on the table and twiddling her thumbs. "Lots of chocolate chips is what makes them so gooey." 

"I can tell. You're way better at this than Jasper." Amethyst said, resting her elbow on the table. "She always either burns or under-cooks her shit. You should give her cooking lessons." she teased, pushing her plate aside once she'd finished. 

"Aw, well... I wouldn't want to be condescending." Pearl said, glancing to the side. 

"Pfft. Not like she's never condescending." Amethyst said. "Also uh, I'm being _super_ nosy again, and you can tell me to shut up if you want..." she began; Pearl tensed, praying Amethyst would have some common sense and not ask anything _too_ intrusive. "But how do you know Jasper? Like, she's never mentioned you before. I mean, she barely tells me anything about her life, but I feel I’d at least have heard your name at some point. But it’s almost like she just pulled you out of thin air.” 

Pearl couldn't help but let out a tiny sigh of relief. That wasn't the type of question she'd been expecting. "Oh, we used to be very close friends a while back. In high school, to be exact. But when I started doing home schooling instead, we sort of drifted apart. We hadn't really talked for years, up until a few weeks ago when I found her on Facebook." Pearl smiled softly. "As soon as she accepted my request, I explained my whole situation to her. I thought my chances were slim, that I'd have to just live in my car or something -- and it would have been completely reasonable for her to tell me no, so... I was really thankful when she said I could come stay with you two." 

"Hm… That’s kinda weird of her. She never seemed like the type to just let an old high school friend come and sleep on our couch.” Amethyst said. "That said, she hasn't kicked _me_ outta the house yet. But I guess I have an advantage because I'm her sister." 

Pearl rose from her chair, tiptoeing over to the cabinet and grabbing a box of plastic wrap. "It's strange, because I don't even remember Jasper having a sister. How much younger are you?" she asked, covering up the tray of brownies. 

"Like, three years. But I got adopted when I was fifteen and she was in her senior year of high school." Amethyst said. 

"Ah, that's why I probably never heard about you, then." Pearl said, trying to hide her surprise; that would mean she was twenty three! Amethyst looked _far_ younger than that, but perhaps she shouldn't have assumed. "I got pulled out of high school in the middle of my junior year -- I was a year ahead of Jasper." 

"Lucky!" Amethyst said. "High school was absolute hell for me. I begged my parents to let me do home school, or at least go to a different school, but they insisted I stay right where I was." she pouted. 

"Well..." Pearl began, but trailed off. She'd already overshared enough to Amethyst; she wasn't sure she was comfortable telling her the actual reason she'd been taken out of high school. "At least it's over now. I know high school can be hard. It wasn't exactly easy for me, either -- but I won't compare it to your experience, because I don't know what it was like for you. Still... I went through quite a bit of bullying for being a lesbian, among other things as well, b-but it was mostly because I was a lesbian. Jasper and my girlfriend, Rose, were the only friends I really had.” 

"Yeah, I get you.” Amethyst said with a shrug. “I got treated like shit for being bi, too. Maybe not as bad as it could've been, though, because everyone knew Jasper was my sister and would beat the shit out of anyone who went too far. Still though, girls in my gym class always thought I wanted to fuck them whenever I breathed in their direction." She snorted, rolling her eyes. "It was so annoying... and honestly creepy. What's with homophobes thinking they're so hot?" 

"Ugh, I know! That happened to me, too!" Pearl said, giggling. "It was plain ridiculous, honestly. The fact that I already had a girlfriend wasn't enough for them to believe I wasn't interested, I guess." Pearl shrugged, putting the tray of brownies in the fridge. She wasn’t sure where Jasper would prefer she put them, but she didn’t want to take up too much space on the counter. After that, she grabbed a wet wash cloth from the sink and began to wipe off the counter. 

"Aww, look at you, cleaning up the kitchen like a good house guest." Amethyst teased. She peered into the sink, noticing it was empty. “You even washed the dishes already, dang.” 

“Of course! I wouldn’t want to leave everything a mess.” Pearl said. 

As Amethyst watched her, she tapped her fingers on the table for a few moments before speaking again. "So, what are you planning to do today?" 

"Probably just... Focus on relaxing, I guess. And cleaning. Not that your house is messy, it’s very nice, it just – it distracts me from worrying." Pearl blushed, hoping that didn’t come off the wrong way. "After that, I might do some reading, and maybe even some job searching online if I get the chance." 

"Pfft, that sounds kinda lame." Amethyst said. "You wanna hang out with me and some friends instead?" 

"Oh, certainly not today. I don't think I would do well with a crowd... I'm still adjusting, I suppose." Pearl said, shyly wringing her hands. "But I appreciate the offer. Maybe another time we could work something out." 

"Alriiiight." Amethyst said, as if she didn't fully believe Pearl's response. "But if you change your mind, just lemme know. I'll be up in my room now." she continued, going up the stairs. 

"I'll certainly let you know if I do!" Pearl responded, but she had no intention of doing so. Amethyst seemed nice -- although a bit nosy at times, but with good intentions -- but it had been a little over a decade since she'd done anything close to "going out". If she were to ever consider doing something like that, it would have to be _long_ after she'd adjusted to her new environment...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **TW for descriptions of an anxiety attack.**
> 
> thank u for reading! <3

_Her hair is full of petals_  
_Fresh from the rose bush_  
_And her lips are soft as snow_  
_On a crisp December morning._  
_I prick my finger on a thorn_  
_And my blood stains the ice._

* * *

"Holy shit, it smells like Lysol in here." were the first words to leave Jasper's mouth when she walked in through the front door. 

"Yes, well..." Pearl said, crouched in front of the T.V. stand as she wiped it down with a cloth. "I... got bored! And you told me to focus on relaxing, so I did some cleaning, because it helps me relax." Pearl continued as she rose to her feet. "So... while I technically went against your orders, I also didn't!" 

Jasper rolled her eyes and ruffled Pearl's hair. "Pearlie, I never gave you any orders in the first place. If cleaning is what you _wanna_ do, then go right ahead. I just didn't want you feel like you _needed_ to work for me, that's all." 

Pearl blushed, fidgeting with the cloth in her hands. "Ah, right, right! I was just being silly, I guess." she said with a nervous giggle. She wished she wouldn't always take things so literally... "Oh! And I made some brownies like you asked. I haven't taste tested them -- I've had no appetite whatsoever -- but Amethyst seemed to really like them!" 

"Oh, she came down from her room?" Jasper said, pulling her coat off and hanging it up in the closet. "I hope she didn't do anything weird. She loves messing with my guests on the rare occasion I have anyone over." 

"No, not really. She did ask quite a few questions, but nothing that made me too uncomfortable." Pearl said. "She seems very sweet, though! She even asked me if I wanted to hang out with her friends today, and while I turned down the offer, it still felt nice that she wanted to include me!" 

"Eh, probably for the best." Jasper said, pulling her shoes off and throwing them in the corner of the entry room. "You probably wouldn't have much fun with her friends anyway. They're kinda obnoxious, if I'm gonna be honest." 

Pearl wasn't sure how to take that... She wasn't comfortable speaking negatively of someone she'd never met, however, so she decided not to question it. "Speaking of that... Are you still friends with anyone from high school?" 

Jasper snorted. "Hell fucking now. As soon as I got out of that hellhole, I never talked to anyone from there again." 

Pearl raised an eyebrow. "Really? Not even Rose?" 

Jasper's expression fell at the mention of her name, and Pearl's heart sank. "I-I'm sorry, I was just wondering... Because I was kind of hoping to see her again, since we--" 

"Don't be sorry, just..." Jasper interrupted, looking visibly uncomfortable. "Just... I'm not friends with Rose anymore, okay?" 

Pearl's heart sank. _'Did something happen between them after I left...?'_ "Is... is it alright to ask what happened?" Pearl said, her voice trembling a bit. 

Jasper sighed, heading over to the couch and sitting down. "When you got pulled out of school, she just stopped talking to me altogether. Wouldn't look at me, wouldn't answer me when I called her name, looked away when I passed her in the hallway... And at first, I assumed she was just sad about not being able to see you anymore, so I decided to give her some space, but... After a while, when I thought enough time had passed, I tried talking to her again, and she just... told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore, as if it was _my_ fault somehow. That's when I realized she only cared about me because I was _your_ friend. So the moment you started home schooling, I suddenly didn't mean shit to her." Jasper buried her face in her hands, sighing again. "It hurt so fucking much. She just threw me away like I never meant anything to her." 

Pearl cautiously approached Jasper, sitting down on the couch cushion beside her. "Oh... That's... that was awful of her to do. I don't know why she'd do such a thing..." Pearl began, anxiously fidgeting with her hands. _'That truly doesn't sound like Rose...'_ she thought, but couldn't think of a single reason why Jasper would be lying. "I'm sorry that happened, Jasper. I'm not in her head, so I can't really tell you why she might've done that, but..." Pearl rested a hand on Jasper's lap, smiling slightly. "I'll _never_ do that to you. And... I'm so glad I found you again. And now that I'm away from my mother, not even she stop me from being your friend. I promise you, I will never, _ever_ abandon you like Rose did." 

Jasper didn't respond; she simply rubbed her face and turned away so Pearl couldn't see her expression. "I... have to go shower." she said as she pulled herself to her feet. 

"Oh..." Pearl said, unsure of whether she'd said the right thing or if she'd simply rubbed salt in the wound. "Are you alright?" 

Jasper didn't respond, simply heading up the stairs in silence; Pearl's heart sank, and she rose to her feet as well. "Jasper? I'm sorry if I hurt you, I was just..." she trailed off, tears filling her eyes as Jasper headed into the bathroom and locked the door. 

_'What did I do wrong?'_ Pearl thought. Her heart began to pound in her ribcage. A wave of fear washed over her as she slowly sat down on the carpeted stairs, burying her face in her hands. _'I shouldn't have said that... I ruined it!'_ she thought, her body trembling. _'I should have just kept my mouth shut! You fucking idiot -- you ruin everything! And now she's going to kick you out of her house and it'll be YOUR fault, and-'_

"Pearl?" 

The voice snapped Pearl out of her spiral; Amethyst was standing at the top of the stairs, a concerned expression on her face. "Holy shit, are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost." 

"I..." Pearl began, but struggled to form words; frustrated, she burst into tears. 

"Shit..." Amethyst said, walking down the stairs and sitting down beside Pearl. "Just take a deep breath, okay? What happened? Or uh, actually, don't worry about that -- you can tell me whenever you want, talking is probably kinda hard... I'm super bad at comforting people, if you can't tell. Should I hug you? Or do you need space?" 

Pearl pulled Amethyst into a tight embrace, causing the latter to squeak in surprise. "Well, that answers that question..." she said, cautiously returning the hug. "There we go... Just breathe, girl." she whispered as Pearl sobbed into her shoulder. She gently rocked her back and forth, rubbing her back... _'Damn, this is awkward.'_ Amethyst thought.

"Um, hey..." she began after a few minutes, unable to handle the silence any longer. "You don't have to answer out loud, or even at all, but... Did something happen with Jasper?" 

Pearl hesitated for a moment, pulling away from the hug and wiping her eyes on her sleeve. "Mhm." 

"Ah, thought so... Was she being a dick to you? She's like that sometimes, but she usually doesn't mean it." Amethyst said, resting a hand on Pearl's shoulder. "I can beat her up if you want me to." she added with a grin, hoping to lighten the mood. 

"No, no, that's not it at all." Pearl said. "In fact, quite the opposite -- I think I made her angry, or uncomfortable, or... something, but it wasn't good." 

"Damn... what'd you do?" Amethyst asked. 

"I... I mentioned one of our high school friends, and... to keep it short, she must have done something awful to Jasper that I didn't know about until now." Pearl said. "So... I tried to reassure Jasper, telling her that I'd always be her friend and would never hurt her like that, and she just... Walked away. I don't know why, but I think that must have upset her, and-and now I'm afraid that she hates me and she'll..." Pearl trailed off as she choked up again. 

"Aw, Pearl... You'll be fine." Amethyst said, but her tone of voice wasn't too convincing. "Look, Jasper can be weird sometimes. And sometimes she just... runs off whenever she experiences a singular emotion, because she doesn't know how to handle them like a normal human. But that doesn't mean she's pissed off at you. You're fine, mmkay?" 

Pearl was silent for another moment; even with Amethyst's reassurance, the uncertainty was still eating her alive. "I hope so. I just can't stop wondering why this all had to happen." she said, leaning against the railing. "If I had known she'd react like this, I would have said something different -- maybe I shouldn't have brought Rose up at all. And it's awful, knowing how Jasper feels about her now, because..." Pearl sighed. "In all honesty, part of the reason I wanted to come back to this awful town was because I thought there was a chance I'd see her again. But Jasper hasn't even talked to her since high school, so she could be anywhere. Isn't that selfish of me?" Pearl said, laughing nervously. "I mean, if I've pissed off Jasper already, she'd be _really_ pissed if she knew that I was planning to seek out Rose, or if she knew that I still had my notebook full of corny poetry I wrote about her when we were dating. It's selfish, isn't it? Doesn't Jasper actually have _every_ right to hate me?" 

Amethyst simply stared at Pearl with a blank expression. "Uh... Well... Damn, that's a lot to take in." she said, running her fingers through her ponytail. "I mean... in your defense, you didn't know Rose was a dick. You haven't talked to her in how many years?" 

"Almost eleven, now..." Pearl responded. She was a bit uncomfortable with Amethyst referring to Rose in such a way, but she couldn't really blame her, since she hadn't given her a very positive impression. 

"Exactly. And this apparently happened _after_ you left high school, so you couldn't have known." Amethyst said. "Besides, it's not like that's the only reason you came over here. You were trying to get away from your shitty home, right?" 

"I guess..." Pearl said, rubbing her teary eyes. "But still... I can't help but feel so awful for it. I really don't want to hurt Jasper. Do you think she'll be okay?" 

"Yeah, I think so." Amethyst said. She reached into her pocket and glanced at her phone. "Also uh... I'd stay here and comfort you some more, but my friends are gonna be here to pick me up soon. You gonna be okay? You're still free to come along, by the way." Amethyst asked. 

"Y-yes, I think I'll be alright." Pearl said. She wasn't looking forward to talking to Jasper once she got out of the shower, but going out sounded even _more_ overwhelming... "Thank you for keeping me company, though... I really do appreciate it." She pulled Amethyst into another hug, causing the latter to blush. "Aww... Hey, I'm just doing what any decent person would." she said, patting Pearl on the back. 

"Yes, but still..." Pearl said once they pulled away from the hug. "It truly means a lot." 

"Really? Well, maybe I'm not as bad at comforting people as I thought I was, then." Amethyst said. Shoving her phone back into her pocket, she gave Pearl one last little pat on the shoulder. "Anyway, see ya tonight Pierogi." 

"See you- wait, _Pierogi?_ " Pearl burst into laughter. 

"Yeah, that's my new nickname for you. Like it?" Amethyst smirked. 

"Pierogi..." Pearl simply repeated, rolling her eyes with a smile. "I guess it works. But yes, see you tonight... Almond!" 

Amethyst raised an eyebrow at the nickname, but gave Pearl a sympathetic laugh. "Heh, uh, good one. See ya." she said. 

As soon as Amethyst shut the door behind herself, Pearl sighed and shook her head. _'Almond, really? You can write poetry, but can't think of a clever food nickname?'_ she thought, still unable to resist giggling. _'Pierogi, though... that's a cute one!'_

* * *

About an hour later, the sound of creaking stairs drew Pearl's attention away from the book in her lap. Anxiety began to rise up in her chest, but she took a deep breath; _'It's fine. I'll be fine. She's not going to yell at me, or hurt me, or kick me out... Amethyst would have warned me if she thought she would. And more importantly, I didn't do anything wrong...'_

"Hello...!" Pearl greeted, forcing a smile. Jasper's hair was still slightly damp from the shower; she'd changed into a tee shirt and some pajama pants, and looked somewhat refreshed. She smiled sadly, walking over to the couch and sitting down beside Pearl, causing the latter to tense up slightly. Tears filled Pearl's eyes again, but she fought them back. "Um... I just wanted to know if you were alright. And... if I said anything to offend you earlier, I--" 

"You didn't." Jasper said, turning to Pearl. "I just didn't really know what to think, so... I panicked. Which was actually kinda shitty of me, because you were probably super confused and worried, thinking I was pissed off. But... it's really been a long time since anyone has said they cared about me like that. I have _some_ friends, but... none of them would be that genuine with me. So it really took me by surprise to hear you say that." 

Tears began to run down Pearl's cheeks. Jasper sighed, pulling her into a hug, which only made Pearl burst into tears. "Aw, girlie... Don't cry, okay? You didn't do anything wrong. Fuck, I'm sorry." she said, brushing the tears from Pearl's cheeks with her fingers. "You're okay, I'm okay... I'm just a big mess. You didn't do anything wrong, alright?" 

"I know, just..." Pearl sighed, wiping her face on her sleeve. "I guess I'm just not used to this... I was so afraid you were going to yell at me, or... even kick me out of your house." 

"No no no, _never._ " Jasper said, cupping Pearl's face. "Never. I'm not that big of an asshole. Unless you like... steal money from me or start acting like an unbearable bitch, I'm never kicking you out of here. Okay?" 

Pearl nodded. "Okay..." she said, sniffling. "In that case... can I confess something? It... might be bad, but... I still think I should let you know." 

Jasper looked uncertain. "Sure?" 

"Well... Okay, I was being entirely honest when I said my mother was abusive and I had to get away from her. I just want to make that clear." Pearl said, taking a deep breath. 

"Okay..." Jasper said, not sure where this was going. 

"But, well... Since you live in the same town where we went to high school... I was also planning to try and find Rose again." Pearl said, biting her lip. "Since... I couldn't find her on _any_ social media. I thought, perhaps I'd have a better chance of finding her here... But at the same time, I'd had no idea she'd hurt you like that, so... I guess that's giving me some mixed feeling about all of this. But perhaps... if I do end up finding her, maybe... Maybe she'd want to apologize to you, too." 

Jasper groaned, leaning back against the couch. "Oh boy. Pearl..." she began. 

"I know, I know, it's stupid, and it sounds like something straight out of a terrible romance movie, but..." Pearl turned her gaze over to the backpack sitting on the floor. "I... I have this notebook full of poetry that I wrote about her. I was planning to give it to her when we graduated, but... That obviously didn't work out. I wanted to try and give it to her, now that I have a slight chance of seeing her in person again." 

Jasper rolled her eyes. "How do you know Rose isn't dating someone else? Or even married?" 

"I... never implied she wasn't!" Pearl said. "But to be fair, we _technically_ never broke up..." 

" _Pearlll._ " Jasper said, bursting into laughter. "You are from another plane of existence, I swear." 

Pearl pouted, but couldn't help but smile, too. "What? We didn't!" 

"You really think after 11 years of _no_ contact with you, she didn't have a moment of, 'Well, guess we're not dating anymore'?" Jasper said. 

"I know, I know! T-that's not the point I was making." Pearl said, realizing how ridiculous she probably sounded. "I guess.... What I really want is some kind of closure with her. Do you know how painful it was to be ripped away from her? I never even had a chance to say goodbye... Even if she's moved on, I still want to give her the notebook and... just talk to her, I guess." she said, resting her hand on top of Jasper's. There was still an elephant in the room that she needed to address, however. "And you know what? I'm going to make a promise to you, because... I know that what she did is still hurting you." Pearl continued. "If I do end up finding Rose, and she isn't sorry for what she did to you... I won't give her the notebook, and I won't talk to her again. Because if that's the case... then she's not who I truly thought she was." 

Jasper smirked. "Wow, that's a bit dramatic." she said, but seemed visibly reassured by Pearl's suggestion. "But yeah, fine. You're an adult, I can't stop you from meeting up with Rose again... But it _is_ reassuring that you're not just gonna sweep what she did to me under the rug, so... thank you for that." 

"Of course! You're my friend, and even if I love Rose, I would _never_ let you think you deserved to be hurt." Pearl said, pulling Jasper into a tight hug. "I hope you know I missed you just as much as I missed her... My mother didn't allow me to use the internet or phone after she pulled me out of school -- only after we moved away did she allow me to have a phone again. But if she hadn't done that, I would have definitely kept in touch with you..." 

"I know you would have." Jasper said, rubbing Pearl's back as she hugged her. "Don't worry about it, okay? I know you care about me. I'm just happy to finally have you back."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so late, i hope u all enjoy! <3

_I felt defective._  
_For years I'd gaze at men,_  
_Searching for a spark,_  
_Waiting for my heart to leap,_  
_Yearning for the right one_  
_To carry me away._

_But when you smiled at me,_  
_I didn't have to wait;_  
_I was already home._

* * *

Pearl had always thought _she_ was early to go to bed, but Jasper's sleep schedule made her seem like a night owl. It was to be expected; as a surgeon, Jasper had to get up rather early for work, but it left Pearl with a few hours of loneliness every night before she'd head off to bed (or couch) herself. For the first week or so, she would find herself exploring Jasper's house, admiring the abstract paintings hanging throughout the hallways and observing the cluttered decor all around her. Compared to the stifling minimalism of her mother's house, it was surprisingly refreshing to be in a home that was a bit more chaotic -- even when she was overcome with her urges to clean, she still made sure not to interfere with the intentional cluttered-ness of Jasper's house. 

After a few nights, however, Pearl became more familiar with her surroundings and what could once be considered exploring turned into pacing, and pacing was the perfect opportunity for her mind to dwell on unpleasant thoughts. It wasn't long before she realized she was in need of a different way to pass the time at night. She'd hadn't brought along very many books to read, and none of the jobs she'd applied for had given her a call back just yet, either, so she quickly ran out of options. 

Absentmindedly flipping through the T.V. channels, Pearl heard Amethyst come in through the front door. "Hello!" she greeted. 

"Hey, Pierogi." Amethyst said, locking the door behind herself. "Watcha doing?" 

"Just trying to find a show to watch... Nothing appealing seems to be on, unfortunately." Pearl said. 

"Yeah, Sunday night is like that." Amethyst said, flopping down onto the couch beside her. Pearl eventually settled on the news; it was better than sitting in silence. 

"Since you're here, I was wondering about something." Pearl began, setting the remote on the coffee table. "What do you do when you hang out with your friends?" 

"It depends." Amethyst said with a shrug. "Sometimes we just walk around the mall or get food, or sometimes we go to Peridot's house and play video games; that's sorta our default when we don't have anything better to do." 

"Oh, that sounds nice!" Pearl said. "I've never really been into video games... My sister is, though! I used to always watch her play those cute virtual pet games when we were kids." she said, sighing sadly. "But um, I was wondering... I've been struggling to find things to do at night, with Jasper going to bed so early and all... So I was wondering, perhaps I could come along with you sometime? I-if that's alright! I wouldn't want to be annoying..." 

"Pfft, you act as if I haven't asked you to come along a million times already." Amethyst said. "Hell yeah, you can come! Maybe tomorrow you can join us while we play Mario Kart. Peridot only has three controllers, but we can take turns." 

"Oh, that would be lovely! I don't think I'm familiar with that game." Pearl giggled. "What are your friend's names, by the way?" 

"Garnet and Peridot." Amethyst said. "They're pretty cool! Garnet's pretty quiet and Peridot is super awkward around new people, but despite what Jasper might've told you, they really aren't annoying. She's just a little bitch." 

Pearl blushed as she remembered how negatively Jasper had spoken about Amethyst's friends. "I don't like to judge people before I've met them, so I didn't pay Jasper's warnings any mind. Perhaps they didn't click with her, but that doesn't mean we won't have a good time!" 

Amethyst looked slightly relieved. "Aw, good! We'd probably head over there at six tomorrow; sound alright?" 

"That sounds perfect!" Pearl responded. 

"Nice." Amethyst said, pulling her phone out of her pocket and leaning back against the armrest of the couch. Pearl couldn't see what was on her screen, but she assumed she was probably just checking up on social media or something of the sort. Pearl turned her gaze back to the T.V., watching as they talked about climate change on the news. 

In a strange way, Pearl felt slightly more content with sitting and doing nothing when someone was sitting beside her. With a sigh of content, she reached for the knitted blanket on the back of the couch and pulled it down, draping it over herself. 

"Ah, you going to sleep?" Amethyst asked. "Sorry, I kinda forgot the couch was your bed. I'll move if you want." 

"No, I'm just a little cold." Pearl said, adjusting to a more comfortable position, her legs tucked underneath her. "I might not sleep for a while, if I'm going to be honest... I've gotten slightly better about getting my rest, but... It's still hard, you know?" 

"Yeah..." Amethyst said, but she really didn't. She only had a vague idea of what Pearl was going through, from the bits and pieces she'd shared with her. "Is it hard to sleep because you're not used to this place yet?" 

Pearl hesitated before she responded, fidgeting with a loose piece of yarn on the blanket. "Sort of. I mean... That's part of it. I don't adjust to change very well. But... I guess I can't help but feel a little bit guilty, too. I'm trying not to think about it, but... every now and then, I feel like I made a mistake by leaving my family behind. Especially my sister, I mean..." Pearl sighed. "I can justify running away from my mother, because she's the one who chose to treat me terribly. But Peony never did anything wrong. And now she has to deal with our mother all alone..." 

Amethyst placed her phone back in her pocket. "Aw... damn. I wish I knew what to say, aside from 'that's shitty', but you've probably heard that enough." she said. "Sometimes, things just suck, and there's not much you can do about it. Maybe it'll help to just like... remind yourself why you left in the first place?" 

"That's the thing... I'm trying so hard to _forget_." Pearl said, biting her lip. "And that's _still_ not enough to keep me from feeling guilty about Peony... God, I wish she'd have just come along with me. But she was so worried about making our mother sad... I swear, it's like she's brainwashed by her or something! She won't even admit how much she's hurt us!" Pearl wiped her eyes as soon as she felt tears begin to well up. "I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated, but... it's not her fault. She doesn't deserve it." 

Amethyst gave Pearl a little comforting pat on the back. "Hey, why are you apologizing to me? You didn't do anything." 

Pearl wasn't sure how to answer that; if she was going to be honest, the "sorry" was actually directed at Peony rather than anyone currently present, but explaining that out loud would only make her sound crazy. "I don't really know. I'm sorry." 

Amethyst snorted. "Hey, you did it again!" she teased. 

Pearl let out a nervous laugh. "It's a habit, I suppose..." 

"I can tell." Amethyst said. "But hey, if it makes you feel better... at least you had a choice in leaving your family behind. You could've chosen to stay, but you didn't. So you obviously _wanted_ to, and your brain is tricking you into thinking you regret it when you really don't." 

"I guess that makes sense." Pearl said, pulling a piece of fuzz off of the blanket and throwing it to the side. She feared she'd tear the blanket to shreds if she kept fidgeting with it like that, though, so she folded her hands in her lap instead. "Thank you, though... Have you ever gone through anything similar?" 

"Eh, sorta." Amethyst shrugged. "I mean, my biological mom gave me up when I was still super teeny. She knew she couldn't take care of me and wanted me to have a decent life. But even though I had absolutely no say in it, I think I kinda felt guilty for that, too. Because like... other kids in my foster family -- this is before Jasper's parents adopted me, by the way -- told me that my mom gave me away because she hated me. And I was a kiddo who didn't know how the world worked, so I believed them, and it made me feel really guilty just for existing..." Amethyst averted her gaze away from Pearl. "I dunno if you can really compare that to what you went through, though." 

"Amethyst..." Pearl smiled sadly at her, reaching out for one of her hands and giving it a little squeeze. "Gosh, can I just hug you?" 

Amethyst couldn't help but laugh. "Aww, you're a big hugger, aren't you?" 

"I really am, but... Gosh, you deserve it more than ever right now!" Pearl pulled Amethyst into a tight embrace. "You didn't deserve _any_ of that, alright? You deserved to grow up feeling loved, not being bullied by other kids or being told that you were thrown away... Goodness, I can't believe anyone would put you through that!" 

"Aw, Pearl, I'm over it now!" Amethyst blushed at the sudden display of affection. "Seriously, I'm fine, but... Hugs are nice, so don't stop, actually." she added. 

"But I'm serious too!” Pearl said. “You're wonderful and you deserved to be treated like you were." 

"Pfft, how did you know? Maybe I was a little shit back then. Maybe I'm a little shit now, too." 

"Perhaps you were, but that still doesn't mean you deserved any of that." Pearl said. "Even the brattiest of children deserve to feel loved.” 

"Aw, you sap." Amethyst rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but smile, finally returning Pearl’s hug. 

“I’m merely stating the truth.” Pearl responded, hugging Amethyst even tighter.

* * *

Jasper tapped her fingers on the counter with one hand, scrolling through a recipe website on her phone with the other. She heard the light footsteps of Pearl from down the hallway, glancing back at her. "Hey there." she said, turning back to her phone. 

"Hello!" Pearl greeted, smiling nervously. "I just wanted to let you know that me and Amethyst are about to head off." 

Jasper raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Where are you going?" 

"I'm going to hang out with her friends! I think she said we'll be playing a video game at Peridot's apartment, if I remember correctly." Pearl said. 

"Hm, alright." Jasper said, her tone of voice somewhat amused. "Just send me a text when they start driving you insane." 

Pearl pouted, giving Jasper a playful nudge. "Come on now, I haven't even met them! Not to mention I don't even have a phone. And how do you know _I'll_ find them annoying? Just because you do doesn't mean I will!" 

"Because they're friends with Amethyst." Jasper sighed, sounding like she wasn't in the mood for this conversation. "But I'm not gonna stop you from doing whatever you want, girlie. I'm just warning you, that's all. Anyway, you want me to save you some dinner?" 

Pearl felt a twinge of anger at how judgmental Jasper was being, but shook it off before she could let it fester into anything more serious. "Yes, that'd be nice... Thank you." she responded with a sigh. Pearl turned around and nearly gasped when she realized Amethyst was standing in the doorway; she had an annoyed expression on her face, which softened when she looked at Pearl. "You ready, Pierogi? Peridot's here." she said. 

Pearl blushed, wondering how long Amethyst had been standing there; had she heard everything Jasper said? "Y-yes! I was just saying bye to Jasper." 

"Mhm." Amethyst gave Jasper a little wave, even though she was turned around and couldn't see it. "See ya later, butthead." 

Jasper responded with nothing but a simple "mhm". Unsettled by the obvious tension between the two sisters, Pearl hurried over to the entry room and grabbed her jacket from the coat rack. Amethyst followed, opening the door for her. Once they were both out on the porch and the door was shut behind them, Amethyst let out a sigh. "Don't listen to her, okay? She's just boring and hates anyone who knows how to have fun." 

Pearl nervously adjusted her jacket. "D-don't worry! I didn't take Jasper's words into consideration..." she said, uncomfortable with feeling like she was in the middle of their conflict. "I'm still looking forward to meeting your friends! I'm sure we'll have fun tonight..." she continued as they headed towards Peridot's car. Pearl climbed into the back seat, sliding over to the other side so Amethyst could climb in afterwards. 

"Hey fuckers." Amethyst said, shutting the car door. 

"Hello!" Garnet said, turning back and waving at Pearl; Peridot simply glared at Pearl from the rear view mirror, giving her an awkward wave. 

"Hello!" Pearl chirped, folding her hands in her lap once she'd buckled herself in. "It's a pleasure to meet you two!" 

"Why so quiet, Dot?" Amethyst asked, poking Peridot's shoulder. 

"She's just bitchy today." Garnet said. 

"You'd be bitchy too!" Peridot hissed. "Pearl, forgive me for being cold; but you would not _believe_ the morning I had. There was an unexpected guest crawling around in my shower; you want to know what it was?" 

"Was it... a spider?" Pearl asked. 

" _Worse._ " Peridot shuddered, beginning to back her car out of the driveway. "A fucking centipede. It was massive! And it crawled out of the drain and just -- ugh, listen, I love bugs, I talk about them all the time and refuse to kill them -- but centipedes are not considered insects anyway, and they're _terrifying_! And this happened _just_ when I was beginning to shampoo my hair." 

Amethyst rolled her eyes, giving Pearl an amused look as Peridot rambled on. 

"Naturally, I got the fuck out of there -- I turned off the shower, of course, because I'm not some kind of rich person who can afford to waste water -- but I wasn't able to rinse my hair... So now my scalp is caked with dried shampoo and itches like a bitch! So if you see me scratching myself, do _not_ assume I have lice! It's a mere result of the unfortunate events of this morning..." 

Boy, this was an interesting first impression. "Ah, that does sound unpleasant! I can't blame you for that." Pearl was clearly amused but attempted to show some sympathy. 

"So wait..." Amethyst began. "Did you kill the centipede?" 

"Hell no! The poor little guy didn't _mean_ to do anything wrong..." Peridot sighed. "And... when I went back into the bathroom, it was gone." 

"So... it's still in your apartment." Garnet said. 

"...Maybe." Peridot mumbled. 

"Well, _fuck_." Amethyst said. "Knowing our luck, that centipede is gonna turn up while we're in the middle of playing Mario Kart." 

"A perfect first impression for our new friend." Garnet said. 

"Aw, don't worry! I-I'm actually not that scared of centipedes!" Pearl stuttered. "So... if it does happen to turn up while I'm there, I'll gladly capture it and set it free." 

"Thank God! We finally have a designated centipede catcher!" Peridot cheered. "I usually handle the spiders and all of the other bugs for these two weenies, but all three of us are weak when it comes to centipedes." 

"What an honor!" Pearl said, unable to resist giggling at the absurd title. Still, the fact that she was so quickly accepted as a friend made her heart flutter in her chest. They were a bit of an eccentric bunch, sure; but Pearl still couldn't grasp why Jasper seemed to hate them so much. 

As the others continued to chat, Pearl found herself gazing out of the window and watching the houses go by. Even though it had been years since she'd lived in this town, everything around her was still familiar and painfully nostalgic. Some things had changed; buildings torn down and rebuilt, business closing down and new ones opening, murals painted over, but it was still the same, rural town she'd grown up in. 

Pearl's heart leaped in her chest as a familiar building caught her eye; "The Big Doughnut is still open?" she remarked. 

"Hell yeah it is!" Peridot said. 

"Ew, don't remind me." Amethyst groaned. 

"Oh, did that place go downhill?" Pearl asked. 

"Uh..." Amethyst grinned awkwardly. "Not exactly. I just hate that place because they fired me." 

"Oh my... What happened?" 

"She dumped coffee on someone." Garnet stated. 

"Hey, the bitch had it coming!" Amethyst said. She turned to Pearl with a serious expression. "Look, this one lady came in all the time and absolutely _hated_ my guts. I don't know why. But whenever I was the one serving her, she got super bitchy at me and nitpicked every last thing I did, acting like I was gonna give her cooties or something. But I put up with it because they actually paid me pretty well." Amethyst looked away from Pearl's face now, looking like she was embarrassed of what she was about to say. "Anyway, one day, she just fucking _snapped_. Started screaming at me because her coffee wasn't hot enough. Even when I offered to get her a new one, she just kept on bitching. And I guess I kinda snapped too, because after a few minutes of listening to her tantrum, I just... took the coffee and threw it at her." 

"Dear God!" Pearl said, cupping a hand over her mouth. _'She sure is impulsive...'_

"Yeah, and I only regret it because I got fired. But look on the bright side; at least the coffee wasn't hot enough to leave any burns." Amethyst shrugged. While she was still somewhat disturbed by what Amethyst had just confessed, Pearl couldn't help but smile at the irony of that. "So yeah, that's why I hate The Big Doughnut, and also why I'm jobless." 

"Aww, what a shame... I remember that being my favorite place for my girlfriend to take me on dates in high school." Pearl sighed happily, looking out the window again. "Perhaps I'll have to go there with Jasper sometime instead." 

Amethyst's went silent after that, and Pearl felt a twinge of guilt in her chest. _'Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned her..._ she thought, deciding she should change the subject. "So, um, Mario's Cart! How do you play this game? A-Amethyst told me that's what we would be playing at your house, correct?" 

"It's just a racing game; not very much to explain. Have you never played it before?" Peridot asked. 

"Not exactly... I've never really been into video games, you know?" Pearl blushed. "Not because I dislike them -- I just haven't played very many, so there's a good chance I'll enjoy this one!" 

"Yeah, you should definitely give this game a shot. And if you don't like it, you can always sit back and watch us." Amethyst said. 

"Or you could hold one of Peridot's hamsters." Garnet suggested. 

"Or go hunting for the centipede." Peridot snorted. 

"Oh, I'd love to do that! Well, not the centipede thing, but the other things!" Pearl giggled; the thought of holding a hamster, admittedly, had her feeling a bit nervous. They were so small and fragile... it'd be so easy to hurt one without even meaning to. But if Peridot had no hesitation about letting Pearl hold one, perhaps they weren't as vulnerable as she'd assumed.

* * *

The smell of incense was the first thing Pearl noticed as she stepped into Peridot's apartment; it was rather small, but maybe that wasn't so bad when it was just one person living there. Pearl carefully removed her shoes and placed them in the closet, tiptoeing onto the carpeted living room floor. 

As Amethyst and Peridot began setting up the game system, Pearl couldn't help but notice the sound of rattling metal from the other room. 

"What's that sound?" Pearl asked. 

"Oh, that's probably one of the hamsters going for a run. Garnet, wanna show her to the hamster room?" Peridot asked. 

Garnet jumped to her feet and headed towards the hallway, gesturing for Pearl to follow; the latter was still perplexed by the fact that Peridot apparently had an entire room dedicated to a few tiny animals. 

Garnet led her into a small room with two huge, metal cages sitting on a table; in one cage, a small black and white hamster was going for a run on its exercise wheel. In the other cage, a solid yellow hamster was drinking from the water bottle attached to the side of its cage. 

"That's Lemonade, and that's Licorice." Garnet said, gesturing to each hamster as she said their names. "Would you like to hold one? They won't bite you." 

"Sure!" Pearl said, still feeling a bit nervous. "I guess I'll hold Lemonade!" 

Garnet opened Lemonade's cage and gently lifted him out; Pearl cupped her hands, a smile spreading across her face as Garnet handed her the furry little rodent. "Goodness... It's so cute!" Its little whiskers tickled the palm of her hand, and she couldn't help but giggle. 

Garnet reached into the other cage, taking out Licorice and placing him on her shoulder. "This one is my favorite; I think he's grown attached to me." 

"He's very cute!" Pearl cooed, reaching out and stroking the fur on Licorice's head with her index finger. 

"Just be careful not to get them too close to each other; hamsters have a tendency to fight." Garnet said, leading Pearl back towards the living room. 

"Ah, so that's why they have separate cages! I was wondering why they both needed so much space..." Pearl attempted to place Lemonade on her shoulder, but he didn't seem to balance very well, so she decided to stick with just holding him in her hands. 

By the time they returned to the living room, the game was already set up. "You wanna play, Pierogi?" Amethyst asked, handing a controller over to Pearl. "I can hold the little nugget for you, if you want." 

"Ah, sure!" Pearl said. She'd almost forgotten that Peridot only had three controllers, so they'd all have to take turns playing the game. She handed the hamster over to Amethyst, grabbing the game controller and sitting down on the floor between Peridot and Garnet. Amethyst laid back on the couch, placing Lemonade on her chest and letting him walk around. Meanwhile, Licorice had peacefully fallen asleep on Garnet's shoulder. 

"Now keep in mind, I _might_ be awful at this." Pearl said as she went through the character selection screen. 

"Don't worry, Peridot is even worse." Garnet said with a smirk, and Peridot stuck her tongue out at her. 

Pearl was initially drawn to the pretty, blonde princess character with the pink dress, but Garnet had already chosen her; Peridot, on the other hand, had chosen the menacing, spiked turtle character. Humming in thought, Pearl eventually settled on the little yellow puppy girl. "Alright, ready to play!" she said. 

As expected, Pearl didn't really know what she was doing; she crashed into walls, fell off of cliffs, and ran into just about every possible trap on the racing track. While she ended up coming in last place, she still couldn't help flapping her hands with excitement once she set her controller down. "I may be awful, but that was still a lot of fun! Would it be alright if I played again?" 

"Sure thing! Amethyst, you wanna play now?" Peridot asked, pulling herself to her feet. 

"Hell yeah." she said, taking the controller and handing Lemonade over to Peridot, who she placed in the big front pocket of her hoodie. 

Amethyst sat down next to Pearl, giving her a little nudge. "Don't worry, nobody starts out good. Once you get used to the controls, it'll be a lot easier." 

"Aw, I'm not all that concerned with winning!" Pearl giggled. "I just had a lot of fun driving around!" 

Before they started up the next level, Amethyst went back to the character select screen and switched over to a different character; this one was a round, green, dinosaur looking creature with chubby cheeks. 

After that, they started up the new level; Peridot watched them from the couch, but got distracted as Lemonade leaped out of her pocket. "Looks like he's getting a little antsy; I'm gonna go put him back in his cage." she said, scooping him off of the couch and standing up. 

"Uh huh." Amethyst said, just barely acknowledging what she's said. Peridot continued down the hallway and into the hamster room; a few moments later, she let out a screech. 

"Peridot?" Amethyst called, pausing the game. All three of them rose to their feet and hurried into the other room to see what'd happened. 

Just as Pearl had suspected, there it was; a massive centipede on the door of Lemonade's cage. "Pearl! Now's your time to shine!" Amethyst joked. 

"G-get rid of it! Hurry!" Peridot whimpered, backing into the corner and burying her face into Lemonade. 

"Aw, don't worry! It's not going to hurt you." Pearl said, giving Peridot a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "Could someone hand me a cup? I'd rather not touch it with my hands..." 

Garnet spotted a plastic cup full of pens sitting on a nearby table; she dumped them all out and handed it over to Pearl. Slowly approaching the cage, Pearl placed the cup over the centipede and slipped a piece of paper underneath it. "There we go! Poor thing is probably so scared..." she said in an almost-cooing voice, heading over to the window. Amethyst opened it up for her, and Pearl released the centipede into the bushes just down below. 

"T-thank you for that." Peridot still trembled visibly, a slight blush on her cheeks. She placed Lemonade back in his cage, and Garnet did the same with Licorice. 

"Of course! I have to admit, even I was a little freaked out by the size of that thing..." Pearl pulled the window shut and set the plastic cup back on the table, grabbing the pens and dropping them back inside. "Seeing that in the shower must have been terrifying; I don't blame you for screaming!" 

"I-it was, but... Not _that_ terrifying." Peridot cleared her throat. "I guess it just took me by surprise this time! That's why I screeched like that." 

Amethyst rolled her eyes; Pearl had a feeling Peridot was attempting to redeem herself, but if it was helping her feel better, she'd go along with it. "Ah, that makes sense!" she said. "Well, now that that's out of the way, shall we continue our video game?" 

"Ah, right!" Peridot said, brightening up a little. "Let's go!" 

With their centipede worries finally lifted from their shoulders, all four of them headed back to the living room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i said this would be a pearlmethyst fanfic BUT there's quite a bit of jaspearl in this chapter!! but the pearlmethyst is coming really soon i promise >w< not sure about any trigger warnings for this chapter other than jasper being kind of a dick to amethyst towards the end 
> 
> anyway i hope u enjoy!! <3

_I feel their burning gazes on our backs._  
_My hands feel dirty, so I let go of yours_  
_And hide them in my sleeves._

_Your smile fades, yet you understand_  
_That my hands have always been pristine._  
_My nails are filed, my skin is soft;_  
_But soon, like yours,_  
_They'll be tough and callused,_  
_Patting down the soil for our garden._

* * *

Sunlight shone in through the window and roused Pearl from her sleep; with a tired whimper, she stretched and turned to peer at the clock on the wall. 6:21. While she'd only gotten roughly five hours of sleep, she couldn't recall any of her dreams and felt relatively well-rested; compared to her sleeping habits these past few weeks, that was good enough. As she sat upright and smoothed her hair out with her fingers, she heard the heavy footsteps of Jasper in the kitchen. Pearl pulled herself off of the couch, making sure to fold up her blanket, and quietly wandered into the kitchen. 

"Good morning." Pearl greeted, her voice still a bit raspy from sleep. 

"Hey." Jasper stirred some sugar into her cup of tea as she sat down at the kitchen table. "How was last night?" 

"It was a lot of fun!" Pearl said, leaning against the doorway. "We played some video games, I held one of Peridot's hamsters..." She was also tempted to mention the centipede incident, but wasn't sure if Jasper wanted to hear something that disgusting while she was eating her breakfast. "Oh, and before you ask -- I was _not_ annoyed by her friends at all! We got along pretty well, actually." 

"That's good to hear." Jasper said, taking a sip of her tea. For a reason she couldn't put into words, Pearl wasn't quite satisfied with Jasper's response -- perhaps she wanted to hear _some_ sort of apology for how insensitive she'd been towards Amethyst the previous night, but she decided it'd be best to let it go. With a tired smile, she sat down across from Jasper. "I've been doing a lot better, too... I applied for more jobs online, but as you probably know, none have gotten back to me just yet." she said, tracing her fingers along the patterns of the wooden table. 

"Don't worry so much about that." Jasper reassured, waving a hand. "I'm not exactly short on money or anything." 

"I guess it's not so much about that..." Pearl sighed. "I just... hate sitting around doing nothing all day. I get so bored, and my mind wanders, and I feel useless..." 

"Yeah, that makes sense." Jasper shrugged. "Still, though... Wish I could do something to make you feel less shitty about it." 

"Don't worry, it's _my_ problem, not yours!" Pearl reassured. 

"Yeah, but I care about you." Jasper said, reaching her hand across the table. "Don't want you feeling bad..." With a slight blush on her face, Pearl extended a hand and placed it on top of Jasper's. 

"Thank you." she said, giving her hand a little squeeze before finally pulling away. "Perhaps I can find something else to do... But it seems I've already cleaned this place down to the bone, huh?" 

"You sure have." Jasper smirked. "How about you go to the library or something? You still like reading, don't you?" 

That idea perked Pearl right up. "Ah, you're right! I guess I hadn't really considered that... I brought a few of my favorite books along, but I've already gone through all of them, so... That might be a good idea!" 

"There you go!" Jasper said. "Go read some books like the little nerdy girl you are." 

Pearl chuckled. "Oh, _I'm_ the nerd? I'm sure you had to do _far_ more reading to become a surgeon than I've ever done in my lifetime." 

"Yeah, but I read about organs and diseases and all that cool shit. You, on the other hand, read sappy gay romance novels. _Nerd._ " Jasper teased. 

Pearl burst into a fit of giggles. "Oh please, I don't restrict my reading _entirely_ to romance! Sometimes I read nonfiction! For instance, one of the books I brought from home is about the discovery of our solar system! I really love reading about the universe... So perhaps I'll look for something of that sort when I go to the library today!" 

"You're just proving my point even more. Nerd." Jasper stuck her tongue out, and Pearl playfully kicked her from beneath the table. 

"You're lucky you're my friend." Pearl huffed, keeping a smile on her face to assure Jasper she was in on the joke. 

"Ohh, what are you gonna do? Beat me up?" Jasper snorted. 

"Maybe I will!" Pearl jumped to her feet and tackled Jasper in a hug. "I'll squeeze the life out of you like an anaconda! Hiss!" 

"Oh, fuck! You're strangling me! I'm dead! Nooo..." Jasper pretended to gasp for air, and then suddenly went limp against the chair as if she'd died. Once she felt that she'd won, Pearl finally released Jasper from her grip. "I've defeated the oh-so-athletic Jasper, huh? Never thought I'd see that day." 

Before Pearl could even finish her sentence, Jasper rose from her chair and lifted Pearl into her arms, squeezing her even tighter than before. "Not yet!" she said, spinning her around. 

"Ah, it seems I spoke too soon!" Pearl giggled as she felt herself lifted from the ground. 

After spinning her around for a few moments, Jasper placed Pearl back down on the floor, but the latter was still holding on tight. "Don't wanna let go of me, do you?" Jasper remarked, giving her a little pat on the back. 

With a slight blush on her face, Pearl slowly pulled away from the hug. "Ah, right. Can you blame me? I'm touch starved." 

Jasper placed a hand on Pearl's chin, tilting her head upward so she could look into her eyes. "What a coincidence, because I am too." she said, her voice just a hair above a whisper. 

Pearl's heart raced in her chest; for a moment, she couldn't pull herself away from those golden-brown eyes. But she soon snapped out of her trance, slowly backing away from Jasper. She reached for her hand and gave it another squeeze to reassure her that she wasn't uncomfortable -- just uncertain. "Then... I'm glad we're close enough in our friendship that we can show affection like this. It feels like I never really left..." 

Jasper looked slightly disappointed when Pearl moved away from her touch, but didn't want to cross her boundaries, so she didn't push any further. "Yeah, you're right. I'm so glad you're back." With a bittersweet smile, Jasper headed back over to the kitchen table and grabbed her dishes, placing them in the dishwasher. "But uh... anyway. I gotta head off to work soon." she said. 

"Ah, right! I hope our little shenanigans won't make you late..." Pearl blushed. 

"Nah, not even close. I usually get there pretty early, anyway." Jasper said, giving Pearl one last pat on the back before heading out of the kitchen. "I'll see you this afternoon, Pearlie." 

"S-see you!" Pearl said, still visibly flustered from what had just happened. _'What a pleasant way to start to my morning...'_

* * *

While some aspects of the library had changed -- furniture replaced, shelves moved around, walls re-painted -- for the most part, it was still the same library Pearl remembered from her childhood. They still had some of her favorite farm animal puppets in the kids' section, and she even recognized the familiar faces of some of the library workers. 

As she approached the romance section, Pearl couldn't help but overhear the storytime session going on in the nearby activity room.

"...But when Goldilocks sat in the third chair, she found that it was just right!" 

The soft, familiar voice alone was enough to cause Pearl's heart to leap with joy; fond memories of her childhood washed over her, and she couldn't resist the urge to take a peek inside. Pearl approached the door and peered into the small window -- but she made sure to just take a quick glance so she wouldn't come off as creepy. A group of small children, sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the floor, were arranged in a circle with a familiar, grey-haired woman as she read aloud from a book. _'Even after all these years, Mrs. Fluorite is still working here and doing storytime...'_ she thought, a smile spreading across her face. In that moment, she wanted nothing more than to be that age again, not having to worry about anything other than learning her ABCs or trying not to scrape her knees at recess. 

Once she'd snapped out of her nostalgic daydream, Pearl turned her focus back towards the wide selection of romance novels. She dragged her finger across the spines of the books, searching for a title that jumped out at her... but none of them really seemed to catch her eye. So she simply chose the first book she saw -- perhaps it would be interesting, even though the cover was generic! -- and held it to her chest as she searched for somewhere to sit. 

She remembered having a favorite couch, somewhere she would often sit together with Rose. They usually went on "dates" to the library with the intent of reading together, but Rose was never much of a reader, and usually ended up falling asleep on Pearl's shoulder instead. She remembered the seat being near a window, but when she approached that same window, she realized the couch was no longer there, and had been replaced with a single bean bag chair. Her heart sank as she sat down, realizing there was only room for one person to sit there, now. _'How ironic...'_ she thought. Shaking off her negative thoughts, Pearl got herself comfortable -- or at least as comfortable as one could manage in a beanbag chair -- and opened up her book to the first page. 

After reading the first paragraph at least four times and not comprehending a single word of it, Pearl placed the book in her lap and let out a sigh. _'This was a bad idea.'_ she thought, leaning back against the wall. She'd thought this would be the perfect place to keep her mind busy, but all her mind could do was wander. And she hated herself for it, because it was incredibly cliche, but all she could think about was how much she wanted to be on that couch again with Rose resting against her shoulder. 

_'I wonder what she's doing right now...'_ Pearl thought, pulling her knees up to her chest. That borderline-romantic interaction with Jasper from earlier that morning had somehow made her even _more_ touch starved, which provoked more pleasant-yet-painful memories of Rose. And the more she thought about Rose, the more she thought about the events that led to them being torn apart. 

Her heart ached. _'I'm so childish...'_ she thought, tears welling up in her eyes. _'What if she's not even around here anymore? What if she moved across the country like I did? Wouldn't that be cruel...'_ Pearl wiped her face on her sleeve. 

Pulling herself to her feet, she decided reading just wasn't what she needed right now. She placed her book on one of the return carts and began to head towards the exit; but not before spotting a colorful flyer hanging on the cork board. 

"Looking for storytime volunteers!  
Must have a passion for reading, and a love for children!" 

Ten little strips of paper with phone numbers hung from the flyer; Pearl reached for one of the strips and carefully tore it off. She wasn't so sure how she felt about kids, but reading was one thing she knew for certain she _did_ enjoy. _'If I can't get a job, at least I can give this a try...'_ she thought. _'It's better than doing nothing all day...'_ Feeling a bit more hopeful, now, she continued out the door and headed to her car.

* * *

"Hey, P." Amethyst greeted when Pearl walked in the front door; she was sprawled out on the couch with her phone in her hand, only paying half-attention to the movie playing on the T.V. "Where did you go?" 

"Oh, just took a little trip to the library." Pearl said, taking her shoes off and placing them in the closet. 

"Oh, nice." Amethyst said. "Read any good books?" 

"Not really... But I did find something that might be even better!" Pearl said, bouncing happily on her feet. 

Amethyst sat upright on the couch, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. "And what's that?" 

"I found an opportunity to volunteer there!" Pearl said, unable to resist flapping her hands a little. "They need someone to help out with storytime! Doesn't that sound lovely?" 

"Oh, like with kids?" Amethyst raised an eyebrow. "You're brave; I could never deal with more than one of those little shits at one time. But I'm glad you found something you like." 

"To be honest, it's been so long since I've interacted with a child... There aren't very many in my family, after all." Pearl said with an awkward smile, sitting down on the couch beside Amethyst. "But it can't be that hard, right? I mean, I just have to read from a book while the kids sit there and listen, maybe help serve snacks afterwards..." 

Amethyst smiled awkwardly; she was tempted to bring up the possibility that the kids _might_ not simply sit there and listen like they're supposed to, but didn't wanna crush Pearl's spirits. "Yeah, that's true." she responded with a shrug. 

"And if I end up not liking it, that's fine, I can just keep looking for more opportunities, but... I want to at least give it a shot!" Pearl said. "And... you know, they seem to be looking for multiple volunteers! So perhaps you could also give them a call, since you have about as much free time as I do! Would you like to do that?" 

"Eh... I dunno about that." Amethyst smiled awkwardly. "If it was literally anything else, I'd consider it; but kids give me headaches, so I'll pass. Thanks for offering anyway, though." 

"Aw, alright..." Pearl decided to let it go; she'd be lying if she said she wasn't a little disappointed, but didn't want to pressure her too much. "But if you ever change your mind, just let me know, and I'll give you the phone number." 

Amethyst began to say something else, but stopped as she heard the sound of a car door shutting. "Ugh, dickhead's home." she said, shoving her phone in her pocket. "Welp, I'm going back to my room." 

Pearl's heart sank; if she didn't know any better, she'd think Jasper and Amethyst were the same person, considering she rarely ever saw them together in the same room. "Oh... mind if I come with you?" 

Amethyst raised an eyebrow at her. "Uh... you sure about that?" 

"Yes?" Pearl said, a bit concerned as to why Amethyst seemed baffled by her suggestion. "You know, it's the only room in the house I haven't seen yet... And I'm curious to see what it's like!" 

"Uhh..." Amethyst had a look of uncertainty on her face, but forced a smile so she wouldn't concern Pearl. "You sure? Jasper thinks it's awful and doesn't like when I bring guests in there. It's just kinda... I dunno." 

"I'm sure it's fine. And Jasper isn't my boss; she said it herself." Pearl said, rising to her feet and extending a hand to help Amethyst up as well. "Come on, show me! I want to see what it's like!" 

"Alriiight." Amethyst said, standing up and heading out of the living room. "But if Jasper throws a bitchfit, don't say I didn't warn you." 

Pearl rolled her eyes. "Oh, it's fine." she said, gesturing for Amethyst to lead the way up the stairs. Amethyst complied, holding the door open for Pearl once they reached her room. 

Pearl was... intrigued, to put it simply. "Messy" wasn't the right word to describe it; in fact, the only word she could think of that could apply to Amethyst's room was "chaotic". Every inch of the wall was covered with posters, picture frames, canvasses with abstract paintings, or weird knick-knacks one could only find in the shadiest of thrift stores. There was a huge canvas sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by cups of water, paint, and stained newspapers. Her bed was unmade, and covered with a variety of stuffed animals and cloth dolls. She had a desk in the corner of her room, but every last inch of it was covered with more obscure knick-knacks and sheets of paper covered in chicken-scratch handwriting. 

"So yeah, now you know why I hesitated." Amethyst said, shutting the door behind them. "I know it's a mess, but I like it this way, you know?" 

Pearl approached one of the abstract paintings, dragging her finger across it. "Really, it's not bad -- it's just not what I'm used to!" Pearl said. "My mother's house was so... dull. Barely had anything on any of the walls... And not a splash of color in sight. Everything was either white, grey, or black." She turned back to Amethyst. "Did you paint these?" 

"Yep!" Amethyst said. "All of the paintings in this house are mine, even the ones in our stairway. Jasper let me hang up a few of the ones she thought weren't hideous." 

"They're all lovely!" Pearl said, clasping her hands together. "I didn't even know you were an artist! You're very good at it, you know." 

"Eh, to be honest, I just kinda dick around and throw paint around without any sense of direction." Amethyst shrugged. "Sometimes it turns out sorta resembling something cool, other times it looks like I took a big rainbow dump on canvas. But I'm glad you like them." 

Pearl chuckled, amused by Amethyst's odd choice in words. "Well, I think even the 'rainbow dumps' look very nice!" 

"Aw, well, thanks." Amethyst said, a slight blush on her cheeks. "I'm glad." 

"Look -- this one kind of reminds me of a sun setting." Pearl said, pointing to another canvas. "See? That looks a bit like the sun..." her finger traced a small, uneven, yellow circle off to the side of the picture. "And the colors around it are very reminiscent of a sunset!" She traced her fingers around the surrounding shades of pink, purple, and blue. "Was that intentional?" 

"Not really, but I also noticed that after I finished painting it!" Amethyst said. "Like, I kinda paint things without really thinking about it, and _then_ decide what it's supposed to be after I'm done. That... sounds super pretentious when I say it out loud, though." 

"Not at all!" Pearl said. "That's unique! I like it." She turned to the current work in progress sitting on the floor; there were a flew splatters of green in each corner of the canvas, but nothing in the middle just quite yet. "And be sure to let me know when you're done with this one; it's looking lovely so far!" 

"Pffft, you flatter me wayyyy too much, Pierogi." Amethyst said, giving Pearl a playful nudge. "It's really just a bunch of paint splatters... But, still, thanks." she added, not wanting to dismiss Pearl's kindness entirely, even though she didn't quite feel her art was deserving of it. 

"Of course! I'm just being honest." Pearl said with a smile. "Ah, but--" 

Pearl was cut off by the sound of a knock at Amethyst's door. "Amethyst?" Jasper's voice called from the hallway. 

Amethyst bit her lip, looking at Pearl with an expression that said "oh shit". "...Yeah?" 

"What the fuck are you doing?" Jasper asked. 

Pearl pulled the door open, giving Jasper a reassuring smile. "Don't worry -- I asked to have a look in her room! I was curious, since it was the only room in the house I hadn't seen yet... She said you weren't fond of her showing it to guests, but I insisted! So don't stress, alright?" 

Jasper's expression was hard to read; she barely looked at Pearl, her glare boring right into Amethyst instead, who had her fists clenched at her sides. "That's all?" Jasper finally asked, her gaze softening as she turned it towards Pearl. 

"Yes, Jasper." Pearl sighed. "Seriously, it's fine. You don't have to defend me from Amethyst. Now come on, let's go start dinner." 

"...Alright." Jasper's tone didn't sound very convinced. She put a hand on Pearl's shoulder and guided her out of Amethyst's room. Amethyst sat on her bed with her arms crossed, refusing to look at Jasper or Pearl. "Yet _I'm_ the insecure one..." she mumbled just under her breath. Jasper must not have heard this, or at least didn't care, because she didn't even react; Pearl, on the other hand, felt her heart sink at hearing Amethyst's tone of voice. 

_'Something isn't right here...'_ she thought, crossing her arms and refusing to look Jasper in the eye as she followed her down the stairs. _'I don't know what's going on between them, but... I really hope it doesn't get any worse.'_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for mentions of misgendering and unhealthy expressions of jealousy 
> 
> thank you to everyone who has been reading and commenting, i really appreciate it! more chapters will be coming soon! ^w^

_I found the blind spots_  
_Of the surveillance camera._  
_They're in the corners of the library;_  
_During the hours of the night she's asleep;_  
_Underneath the cafeteria table;_  
_On the pages of my journal._

* * *

Pearl twirled around in front of the mirror with a beaming smile on her face; a sunny, yellow skirt and a white button-up shirt was the perfect outfit for her first day of volunteering. After smoothing her short hair out with a brush, she hurried down the stairs to start preparing breakfast. Jasper had already gone off to work long before Pearl had waken up, so she felt a little disappointed that she couldn't get any encouragement from her that morning; but Pearl reassured herself that she'd be able to do this on her own. 

She threw two slices of bread in the toaster and filled the tea kettle up with water, placing it on the stove. _'I hope I do alright...'_ she thought, pacing the kitchen as she waited. Her interview with the library director had made everything seem pretty simple; since Mrs. Fluorite was having trouble with walking, she'd still be the one reading to the kids, but Pearl would be doing things that were becoming difficult for her -- like setting up the room, passing out snacks, and making sure the kids didn't cause too much chaos. Still... worry lingered in her chest, and she couldn't help but wonder how many different ways today could go wrong. 

Lost in thought, Pearl jumped in surprise as her toast popped up. With a little sigh of relief, she was thankful nobody had been around to see that. She placed both slices of bread onto a plate, grabbing a jar of peanut butter from the cupboard and some blueberries from the fridge. _'Kids sure can be noisy... I hope I don't do that if someone startles me. That'd be terrible.'_ she thought, spreading the peanut butter across her toast and arranging the blueberries on top. _'Ugh, I need to stop being so negative! If I keep thinking this way, I'll screw up for sure!'_ She grabbed the now-steaming tea kettle and poured the hot water into a mug. _'I'm going to do great! I'm going to have a lot of fun and spend some time with some cute kids!'_

Taking a deep breath, Pearl brought her plate of toast and mug over to the table. She placed a tea bag into her cup and gave it a little nudge so it would sink to the bottom. _'As long as I keep up this line of thinking, I'm going to do just fine -- no, I'm going to do amazing!'_

* * *

The activity room, like the rest of the library, had gone through many changes throughout the years, yet it still evoked a warm sense of nostalgia within Pearl; in the corner of the room sat a rocking chair, and underneath it was a huge carpet with an alphabet pattern. The walls were an even sunnier yellow than Pearl's skirt, and were covered with brightly colored posters and children's artwork. In one corner of the room, there was a box full of puppets, and right next to it was a brown cabinet full of art supplies. Excitement bubbled up in Pearl's chest, but the anxiety still lingered underneath. 

"Good morning!" a familiar voice greeted, snapping Pearl out of her trance. 

Pearl's face immediately brightened up as she turned around and faced Mrs. Fluorite. "Good morning!" she greeted, clasping her hands in front of her chest. She then extended one out towards her, a huge grin on her face. "Mrs. Fluorite, do you remember me? M-maybe not, you've probably had so many kids over the years, and I was always rather quiet, but... I went to storytime back when I was in kindergarten! And I was so happy when I found out you were still doing it..." 

With a warm smile, Mrs. Fluorite gave Pearl's hand a gentle shake. "Ah, I was never good with names... Remind me of yours again, sweetheart?" she asked, her tone almost apologetic. 

"It's Pearl! I think it would have been around 1997 when I came to storytime, if that helps at all..." 

"Pearl..." the older woman tapped her chin in thought. "Yes! You used to come in wearing the cutest little dresses, with your hair done up all nice... And every time you came in, you'd ask me how you looked, and I'd say, 'like the sweetest little princess'." She smiled, adjusting her round glasses. "And I remember seeing you around the library as you grew older, too! I'd always see you reading on the couch with your one friend with the pink hair." 

Pearl was half-tempted to correct her on the "friend" detail, but decided it'd be best to brush it off; that aside, she was overjoyed to hear that Mrs. Fluorite had remembered her. "Yes, that was me! My mother always made sure me _and_ my sister were dressed up all spiffy, didn't she?" she giggled. "It's so lovely to see you again... I just moved back to Beach City, so having people remember me makes me feel right at home." 

"It's so lovely to see you again, dear. I'll be sure all the little ones make you feel welcome as well." Mrs. Fluorite said with a smile. "Now, let's get to making some new memories, shall we? The kids will be arriving any minute." 

"Ah, of course!" Pearl said. "How can I help set up?" 

"Hmm... You could take the chairs down from the tables." Mrs. Fluorite said, beginning to walk over to her rocking chair with her cane for support. "And after that, you could make some copies of the coloring page for today's story." 

"Sounds good to me!" Pearl said. That sounded easy enough; as Pearl approached the tables and began to take all of the chairs down, she heard the sound of footsteps in the hallway. _'Must be some of the early birds...'_ she thought. 

"Good morning!" Mrs. Fluorite greeted as a woman and her daughter walked in. Pearl peered over from the chairs, wondering if she should say hello to them as well... But the mother didn't seem to notice Pearl was there. She had long, black hair, dark brown skin, and was holding hands with a small girl just above toddler age. The girl had a similar appearance to her mother; her hair was in a neat french braid, and was wearing blue overalls. She held a stuffed bunny in her free hand and chewed on one of its ears. 

"Good morning." the mother responded, giving her daughter a pat on the shoulders. "You ready for storytime, sweetheart?" 

"Yes, mommy!" the girl said, bouncing happily on her feet. 

"Alright; make sure you're a good girl today. I'll be back to pick you up in an hour." the mother said, giving her a kiss on the forehead before heading out the door. 

"Connie, would you like to meet our new friend?" Mrs. Fluorite asked. Pearl blushed as she realized that meant her; as she placed the last chair down on the floor, she turned to the toddler and gave her a little wave. "Hello!" 

Connie scampered over to Pearl with wide eyes. "What your name?" she asked. 

"My name is Pearl!" she said with a shy smile. "And yours is Connie, correct?" 

"Marshmallow!" Connie blurted out, pointing to the white stuffed bunny in her arms. Pearl gave her a confused smile, but quickly realized she was telling her the name of her stuffed animal. "Ah, and hello, Marshmallow! It's a pleasure to meet you as well." she said. 

Connie skipped back over to the corner of the room where Mrs. Fluorite was sitting, seating herself criss-cross-applesauce on the colorful carpet. 

"Ah, guess I'll go copy those coloring sheets now!" Pearl said. "Where is the copy machine?" 

"In the office just down the hallway." Mrs. Fluorite said. She reached for the bag next to her chair, pulling out a folder and taking out a sheet of paper, handing it out to Pearl. It was a picture of an apple tree, surrounded by a group of kids holding hands. "Oh, and we'll need about ten copies -- maybe do fifteen, just to be safe, though!" 

"Alrighty!" With a smile, Pearl took the paper and headed out of the room, going down the hallway and into the office. 

Once she located the copy machine and watched the coloring pages print out one by one, she heard the sound of more footsteps and quiet chatter in the hallway. _'Must be more of the kids coming...'_ she thought, beginning to feel a little nervous. Taking a deep breath, the grabbed the newly printed coloring pages, still warm from the copy machine, and made her way back down the hall. 

The activity room was now full of chatter as the little kids gathered around in a circle on the carpet; Mrs. Fluorite had a book in her lap, and looked up with a smile as Pearl entered the room. "Quiet down, everyone; we have a new friend joining us today!" 

Pearl blushed as each of the kids turned their little heads towards her. "This is Pearl! She's going to be my helper today! Why don't we all say good morning?" Mrs. Fluorite said. 

"Good morning, Pearl!" the kids greeted in unison. 

"Good morning, everyone!" Pearl responded, nervously waving a hand. "It's nice to meet all of you!" 

"Now that everyone is here, let's begin our story!" Mrs. Fluorite picked up the book from her lap and held it up for everyone to see. "Today I'll be reading _The Giving Tree;_ has anyone here heard this story before?" 

A handful of kids enthusiastically raised their hands. With a soft smile on her face, Pearl began to lay out all of the coloring pages at each of the little round tables, half-listening to the story as Mrs. Fluorite read it aloud; her slow, soft voice was ideal for reading stories to children. After that, she grabbed a few boxes of crayons from the art supply cabinet, placing one at each of the tables. After that, Pearl leaned against the wall and listened to the rest of the story from across the room. 

She noticed one of the kids stumble to his feet and begin to tiptoe towards her. He had curly, brown hair, and chubby, rosy cheeks, and was wearing a pink shirt with a pair of shorts. Pearl wondered if she should tell him to sit back down, but he gazed up at Pearl with his big brown puppy eyes, reaching out and grabbing her arm. "You should join us." he whispered, pointing to the circle. 

"Huh? Oh, well-" Pearl trailed off as the child tugged on her arm. _'Guess I don't have a choice!'_ she thought, following him over to the carpet. The little boy sat down, patting the empty space next to him so Pearl could join, and she hesitantly complied. Without pausing from her story for a moment, Mrs. Fluorite gave Pearl a little knowing smile. Pearl returned the smile, and glanced at the little boy beside her as he bounced happily in his seat.

* * *

Before she knew it, storytime was over; the kids had all finished their coloring pages and enjoyed their snack of baby carrots and juice boxes, and the parents had begun to arrive one by one. A slight feeling of relief began to wash over Pearl; that wasn't nearly as bad as she'd expected it to be. Sure, it was only her first day, but for now, she felt that this was something she could see herself sticking with. The children were well-behaved, and she wouldn't be dealing with them all on her own, so it wouldn't be too much of a problem if things ever got out of hand. 

The chubby, curly haired boy from earlier scampered up to Pearl just before he left. "It's for you!" he said as he thrust his coloring page towards her. 

"Oh...! Thank you!" Pearl cautiously took the paper from his tiny hands. Before she could say anything else, he ran back over to a heavyset long-haired man in the doorway, who Pearl presumed to be his father, and jumped into his arms. 

"Did you have fun, kiddo?" the dad asked, carrying the little boy out into the hallway. With a smile, Pearl took a glance at the coloring page in her hands; the tree and kids were colored in rather sloppily, but that was to be expected from a kid his age. With a pink crayon, he had written in the corner:  
"To: Perl  
From: Steven!!" 

The "F" in "from" was written backwards. With a huge smile on her face, Pearl carefully folded up the drawing and placed it in her coat pocket.

* * *

As soon as she got home, Pearl hung the picture up on the fridge with a magnet. _'I hope Jasper won't mind me putting this here...'_ she thought with a little smile. The only things hanging on the fridge were a couple of magnets and a grocery list, so the coloring page looked rather out of place... But Pearl shrugged it off, knowing Jasper never really seemed too bothered about anything she did. 

After that, she decided she should start making herself lunch; she pulled out a package of cream cheese, a stalk of celery, and a carton of strawberries from the fridge. As she rinsed off the fresh produce in the sink, she heard the sound of footsteps upstairs. _'Amethyst must be up...'_ she thought. She felt a little uneasy as she remembered what had happened the previous day with Jasper... _'I hope she's not upset...'_ She began to chop up the celery into smaller pieces, and the strawberries into bite-sized slices. After that, she reached up into the cupboards for a box of crackers and a jar of peanut butter. She spread some peanut butter on top of the celery and a little bit of cream cheese on each of the crackers, putting a little piece of strawberry on each of them as well. 

After sitting down at the kitchen table, she heard the sound of Amethyst walking down the stairs. "Good afternoon!" she called. 

"Hey." Amethyst mumbled as she walked into the kitchen, sleepily rubbing her eyes; she was still in her pajamas, but her hair looked like it had been brushed, and it was pulled up into a neat little ponytail. She gave Pearl a curious look, peering at the plate of food sitting in front of her. "Whatcha got there?" 

"Oh, just some lunch! I wasn't sure what to have, so I just made a bunch of little snacks." Pearl said. "Would you like to try one?" 

"Hell yeah." Amethyst grabbed one of the crackers and popped it into her mouth. "Mm, that's good!" 

"Thank you! I'm still in such a nostalgic mood from being around all those little kids, so I made something I used to always eat for a snack when I was little." Pearl said with a smile. 

"I used to always eat cheese and crackers when I was a kiddo, but never thought to put fruit on them." Amethyst said. 

"My mother was a bit of a health nut, so she always made sure I put fruit or vegetables on _everything_ I ate." Pearl chuckled. "Have you eaten lunch yet? You're free to share these with me; there's plenty of strawberries and celery in the fridge, so I can always make more!" 

"Aw, you're too sweet." Amethyst sat down in the chair across from Pearl. "I just woke up, so it's more of a breakfast for me, but thanks." She reached for one of the peanut butter celery sticks, taking a bite. 

Now that she was alone with Amethyst, Pearl couldn't shake the urge to bring up the topic on her mind... "So, um, could I ask you something?" 

"Ask away, girlie." Amethyst said, licking peanut butter from her fingers. 

"About last night... I'm sorry Jasper snapped at you like that. I don't know why she was acting that way..." Pearl sighed, fidgeting with a button on her shirt. "Do you want me to maybe talk to her about it? I could try and convince her to be a little less hard on you." 

"Eh, don't sweat it." Amethyst shrugged. "She's always been kind of a bitch to me. It's whatever." 

"But it's not!" Pearl insisted. "Look, I know sisters fight every now and then -- I certainly had my childish spats with Peony -- but that doesn't mean it's good! And... I don't know, I just consistently feel like there's tension between you two. I'm worried that at some point I'll have to choose between you and Jasper, and... I don't want that. I want you two to love each other as sisters should!" 

Amethyst rolled her eyes at that. " _Blehh._ That's never gonna happen, P. I get why you want it to, but as long as water is wet, Jasper is gonna have her superiority complex over me and be a jealous bitch every time I make a new friend. It's just how she is." she shrugged again. "But I've learned to deal with it. She's at work most of the time, anyway, and when she's not, I can just chill in my room or hang out with Dot and Garnet." 

Pearl let out a sigh; she didn't want to admit it, but Amethyst's stubbornness was rather frustrating. Still... She wasn't sure how else she could convince her that something wasn't right, so she decided not to push it any further for now. "Alright, if you insist... I guess I won't worry about it too much." She took a bite of celery, avoiding Amethyst's eyes. 

"If it makes you feel better, she doesn't _hate_ me. She just... thinks she's better than me, I guess." Amethyst rocked back in her chair. "And I don't hate her either, I just think she's a snobby prick who isn't a goddess for having a PhD." 

Pearl laughed nervously. "Alright, alright. Put it however you want, and it's not my business, but I still think your relationship could be healthier." 

"Eh, yeah. But what can ya do about it." Amethyst said. "I try not to dwell on it too much. Just how things are around here." 

Unsure of what to add to that, Pearl decided it would be best to simply change the subject. "So, do you have any plans with your friends tonight? If they don't mind, I was wondering if I could come along..." 

"Oh yeah! We were thinking of going to some stores or the mall, maybe going to Garnet's house for a bit, too." Amethyst said. "You think you'd be down for that?" 

"Oh, I would, but... I don't exactly have any money, so that could be a problem..." 

"That's fine, we mostly just mess around and don't buy stuff, anyway." Amethyst said. "And if we buy some food somewhere, I'll pay for yours; I got quite a bit left from my old job, after all." 

"Oh, that'd be very sweet of you! But only if you want to; I could always just eat dinner at home, I wouldn't mind..." Pearl said. 

"Nah, I'm not gonna let everyone eat in front of you and not even buy you anything. I promise, it's no biggie." Amethyst reassured. 

"Thank you... you do a really good job at making me feel welcome here, you know?" Pearl blushed, turning her gaze back towards Amethyst. "Both you and Jasper -- and your friends, too! I've never once felt like a burden since I got here." She rested her elbow on the table and sighed happily. 

"Aww, really? I'm glad I can help you feel better, Pierogi..." Amethyst said, unable to resist smiling back at her. 

Pearl looked back down at the table, tracing her finger along the patterns of the wood. "In a way, this house is almost like the exact opposite of my old home. It's vibrant, I'm free to do as I please... And even though I don't have much privacy, sleeping in the living room and all, I don't constantly feel like I'm being watched. And I don't have to hide who I am, either. It's strange, honestly, just how comforting it is living with a bisexual girl and a lesbian. I don't have to pretend I like men, I can talk openly about being gay... It's nice, isn't it? Like a fresh start..." 

"Yeah, it sure is." Amethyst said. She paused before she continued, as if she was unsure of what she was about to say. "I kinda felt that way when I moved out of our parents house... They were pretty nice, but damn, they were _super_ bad about calling me by the right name." 

Pearl tilted her head in curiosity. "Why would they call you by the wrong name? That's so strange..." 

Amethyst snorted. "How often is a girl born with the name Amethyst?" she said. "They... call me by my old boy name out of habit. I get that they're not used to it, but it still pisses me off." 

It all suddenly clicked. Pearl smiled at Amethyst, hoping to reassure her that she knew what she was implying and wasn't going to react negatively. "Ah, I get what you mean now. Well, I'm glad you don't have to hear that old name anymore." A bad thought suddenly crossed Pearl's mind, and she added, "Jasper... doesn't ever use the wrong name for you, does she?" 

"Oh, hell no. She's not _that_ kinda asshole." Amethyst said, waving a hand. "She'd kick the shit out of anyone who tried it, too." 

A wave of relief washed over Pearl. While she was still concerned about the state of their relationship, she was thankful Jasper knew where to draw the line. "Good, good. I assumed so, but... you know." she said, pulling her hands down from the table and placing them in her lap. "Sorry the conversation seems to keep coming back to her, even after I said I'd drop it." 

"Don't worry, it's fine." Amethyst said. "It's really sweet that you care about me, at least." 

"Alright, good." Pearl reached for another stick of celery, sighing with relief. _'I just wish Jasper cared as much as I do...'_

* * *

The front door creaked open, alerting Pearl that Jasper was home. With a smile on her face, she waved to her from the couch. "Welcome home!" she greeted. 

"Hey, pretty girl." Jasper said, throwing her shoes into the closet and hanging her coat on the rack. "How was your library thing?" 

"It was great!" Pearl jumped to her feet and hurried over to Jasper, pulling her into a hug. "The kids were just adorable... And surprisingly well behaved, too! One of them even gave me a picture he'd colored, isn't that sweet?" 

"Aww, that sounds adorable, Pearlie. I'm so glad you had fun." Jasper said, ruffling Pearl's hair. "Think you'll be going back there, then?" 

"Certainly! Mrs. Fluorite is very pleasant to work with, and my job was pretty easy, too!" Pearl said, bouncing happily on her feet. "And I think the kids really like me..." 

"I'm so happy for you, girlie." Jasper said, giving Pearl a little pat on the back. "So, whatcha want for dinner today?" 

Pearl blushed, her eyes suddenly turning away from Jasper's. "Ah, about that... I was actually planning to go out with Amethyst and her friends tonight! And Amethyst said she'd buy me dinner, so you can make whatever you'd like!" 

While she couldn't see her expression, Pearl could tell Jasper's happy expression fell by her tone of voice. "You're going out with them _again_?" Jasper rolled her eyes. 

"Uh... Yes, I am!" Pearl couldn't ignore the frustration bubbling up in her chest. "Is there a problem with that?" 

"Eh... no." Jasper shook her head. "I just don't get it, I guess." 

With a sigh, Pearl pulled away from Jasper's hug. "Look... Can I talk to you about something?" 

"I can't stop you." Jasper said, beginning to head towards the kitchen. 

Pearl followed her, taking another deep breath. "It's just... why are you so hard on Amethyst? And her friends, too? Have you even talked to them at all?" she asked. "They're very kind, you know? And they were instantly welcoming to me even though we have so little in common -- I mean, if they make me happy, shouldn't that make you happy, too?" 

"Ughh, Pearl, just let it go already, alright?" Jasper groaned, dramatically tilting her head back in exasperation. 

"But..." Pearl bit her lip, her frustration only growing. "It's... it's starting to get to me, okay? I don't want to let this go again. What happened last night hasn't been sitting right with me... And as much as I love living here, I really am _not_ comfortable with the constant tension between you and Amethyst. I care about _both_ of you, and I'm starting to worry that... that I'll be forced to choose between the two of you. And I don't want to have to do that..." She stepped a little closer to Jasper, reaching for her hand, but the latter pulled away before she could grab it. 

"What has Amethyst done for you?" Jasper glared straight at Pearl. "Was she there for you in high school? Did she defend you from assholes who tried to pick fights with you? Did she _house you_ from your abusive mother after not talking to you for, what, ten years?" 

Pearl backed away, her eyes widening. "No, but... It's not a _contest,_ Jasper! She's spent time with me, comforted me, made me feel welcome here -- even if I haven't known her as long as I've known you, she still matters to me as a friend!" 

"Yeah, but..." Jasper clenched her teeth. "I just don't get what you see in her, okay? She's so obnoxious and lazy and gross -- she can't even hold a job without losing it over something stupid! And Peridot never shuts up, and Garnet is just... All kinds of weird and awkward. I _know_ you can do better than them, Pearl." 

"The only one here who needs to 'do better' is _you._ " Pearl clenched her fists at her sides. "You know... I'm starting to worry that the problem here isn't Amethyst or her friends. I think you're going to find problems with _anyone_ I talk to that isn't you!" 

"I-" Jasper began, but stopped herself before she could continue. She spun around, heading out of the kitchen. 

"I'm right, aren't I?" Pearl said, her cheeks burning with rage. "I know you have problems with abandonment, Jasper, but I'm _not_ going to abandon you just because I'm making new friends, and I'm certainly not going to revolve my entire life around you. I'm trying to recover -- and I know you are too -- but I can _not_ deal with any more toxic behavior. I'm done letting people walk all over me." 

"Shut _up,_ Pearl..." Jasper grumbled. 

Pearl was half-tempted to stop, but the words wouldn't stop flowing. "And did the whole situation with Rose even happen? Or did you make _that_ up, too? Did you not want me to talk to her again because you're-" 

"I said _SHUT UP!_ " Jasper slammed her fist against the wall. 

Pearl's body froze up. One of Amethyst's paintings fell from the wall, tumbling onto the floor and landing face-down with a thud. Jasper let out a deep sigh, her eyes glossy with regret. "Pearl-" 

"I have to go." Pearl cut Jasper off before she could defend herself. Trembling, she stumbled into the entry room and grabbed her keys, shakily slipping into her shoes and hurrying out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed the chapter! also i just wanna note that, while jasper has been somewhat toxic these past few chapters, she's not going to stay that way -- just in case anyone was worried about that! i love jasper and have a good ending planned for everyone <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow this took FOREVER to write but i finally finished it!!! i really struggled to figure out where i was going with this lol  
> hope you enjoy!! <3 
> 
> slight warning for mentions of homophobia/transphobia

_She taught me to stay in line._  
_To watch my feet as I walked;_  
_To speak softly and sparsely;_  
_To tremble underneath her gaze._

_You taught me to draw the line._  
_To gaze up at the violet skies;_  
_To shout back at the roaring thunderstorms;_  
_To crush the sheets of ice beneath my feet._

* * *

_'One. Two. Three. Four. Five.'_

Pearl exhaled. The car's radio was playing just quietly enough to fill in the silence, but not so loud that it distracted her from her breathing exercises. She reached into the glove compartment for a pack of tissues, ripping it open and wiping her tear stained face, then blowing her stuffed up nose. She realized just how pathetic she probably looked to anyone passing by, crying alone in her car in a Walmart parking lot, which only made her feel even more anxious. _'Don't think about that; you're probably not the weirdest thing anyone has seen today.'_ she silently reassured herself. She watched as a flock of seagulls just ahead fought over a slice of pizza crust, flapping their wings and cawing at each other. 

Pearl's heart ached with guilt as she was reminded of her plans with Amethyst. _'She's going to think I ditched her.'_ she thought with a groan. Part of her was tempted to drive over to the mall; maybe Amethyst was still over there with her friends, and she could try to meet up with them? _'They probably wouldn't want to see me when I'm a mess like this, though...'_ she thought, running her fingers through her hair and leaning back in her seat. _'And they'll probably ask what happened, and I don't know if I have the energy to explain everything... Ugh, this is bad.'_

Pearl turned her gaze towards the clock; it was almost 9. Her head ached from crying, and the direction she'd parked her car had the sun shining directly into her eyes, which wasn't exactly helping. _'Guess I'll go back home. Not like I have anywhere else to go.'_ she thought. After a few more moments of sitting and listening to the corny pop music playing on the radio, she pulled herself together and headed out of the parking lot. _'I really hope Jasper's asleep.'_

* * *

The house was eerily silent as Pearl walked in; she locked the door behind herself, throwing her keys onto the table and looking around for any signs of Jasper. "Hello?" she called, not loud enough so that Jasper could hear her from across the house, but loud enough so that anyone downstairs would know she was home. There was no response; Pearl continued over to the couch and grabbed her book bag, pulling out her laptop and flipping it open as she sat down. 

_'I wonder if Amethyst can get internet at the mall... Maybe I could let her know what happened.'_ she thought, tempted to send her a message on Facebook... There was the little green circle by her profile picture that signified that she was online. 

"Hey, I'm sorry for not letting you know sooner, but something came up and I had to leave the house for a while. I hope we can try to hang out another time, but I don't think I'll be able to make it tonight. Have fun, though!" 

She pressed send, and almost immediately saw the "read" notification. _'That was quick... was she waiting for me?'_ After watching the screen for a few moments, she didn't see Amethyst typing a response. _'Probably busy... I hope she's not upset.'_

She heard footsteps on the stairs and her body tensed, but relaxed once she realized it was Amethyst. "Oh, you're home!" Pearl shut her her laptop and set it aside. "Why aren't you at the mall?" 

"I heard all the shit going on downstairs and saw that your car wasn't here." Amethyst said, brushing her bangs away from her face. "I didn't want you thinking I forgot about you, so I told Dot and Garnet to hang out without me tonight." 

"Aw, Amethyst... You didn't have to do that." Pearl smiled warmly. "I wouldn't have been offended if you'd left without me. I'm the one who ran off without telling you anything, after all." 

"Yeah, but still." Amethyst sat down on the couch beside her, letting out a sigh. "I was worried about you. Didn't think I'd be able to enjoy myself until I knew you were somewhere safe." Amethyst turned to look at Pearl. "You know you didn't have to do that for me, right?" 

Pearl placed her hands on her lap and turned her gaze away from Amethyst. "I wanted to! And it wasn't _just_ that, anyway. I felt like Jasper wasn't being very fair with me. And I started to worry that... that maybe she was only letting me stay here for her own benefit. Does that make sense, or am I being paranoid?" 

"Yeah, it does." Amethyst leaned back against the couch. "I mean, I dunno how _true_ it is, but it still makes sense that you'd think that." 

"Am I overthinking it...?" 

"No, you're not. I just meant you _could_ be right, or you could be wrong, but I'm not a mind reader -- that's all I'm saying." Amethyst shrugged. "I may be her sister, but I don't know what's going on in her head." 

"Ah, okay..." Pearl said. "I guess I just kind of worried that... she wanted me to keep her from being lonely. It seems like all she ever does is work, spend time with me, and sleep... But she doesn't go out or talk about anyone else in her life. It's like I'm the only one she has... Which is fine, but her jealousy was starting to make me uneasy." Pearl rubbed her eyes as she felt tears begin to build up. "And now I'm wondering if she ever truly cared about me in the first place... Did she _really_ want to help me out, or did she just want me around here to keep her company?" Pearl wiped tears away with her sleeve as they began to stream down her cheeks. "Maybe I was stupid for thinking someone would care about me..." 

"Aww, no..." Amethyst whispered. "That's not true... Look, I can't tell you how Jasper feels, or what she was trying to do when she took you in, but I _can_ promise you that people care about you. At least I do." 

"Thank you..." Pearl sniffed, brushing a strand of hair away from her forehead. "Really, thank you for being here for me." She turned to Amethyst and gently place a hand on top of hers. "I hope you don't think I don't value our friendship, because I really do! I just wish things were better with Jasper, that's all..." 

"Don't worry, I get what you mean. Just take a deep breath." Amethyst said; her tone of voice was soft in a way Pearl hadn't really heard before. 

"It's just... it isn't fair, you know?" Pearl whispered. "I just want things to go right for me. I want to trust the people I love and not have to wonder whether they care about me. I couldn't get that from my mother... And I couldn't get that from Jasper. And... it's terrible, because I was trying to get that from Rose, too, which is why I kept clinging to that stupid poetry... But then I ended up getting feelings for Jasper, and then Jasper started being cruel to you and possessive of me and I couldn't put up with that, either... I'm rambling, should I stop?" 

"No, it's fine..." Amethyst gave Pearl's hand a little squeeze. "Keep going if you want to." 

"Alright... I just feel like such an awful person. Maybe I did something to deserve this... Maybe I was foolish for thinking Jasper would care about me or be the same person she was in high school." Pearl sighed, gripping Amethyst's hand in return. 

"You needed to get away from your mom." Amethyst said. "And Jasper was going to give you what you needed; you're not stupid for jumping on that kinda opportunity." 

The two sat in silence for a few moments before Amethyst spoke up again. "You know what? If things start to go too far south with Jasper, just... just let me know, and I'll talk to Garnet or Peridot, alright? I'm hoping it won't. I have a feeling you guys will be able to fix things, but in the crazy scenario where you can't... I'm sure one of them would be able to take you in. Peridot's got a small apartment, which kinda sucks, but Garnet lives with her parents, so we'd probably need to get their permission if Peridot won't take you... But I'm sure at least one of them would be able to give you a place to sleep." She looked into Pearl's eyes with a serious expression on her face. "No matter what happens, I'm not gonna let you live in your car _or_ with someone who makes you feel like shit. You don't deserve that. Okay?" 

Pearl hesitantly nodded her head. "Alright... Thank you." A small, pained smile spread across her face, and she pulled Amethyst into a tight hug. "I can't thank you enough for always being here for me..." 

"Hey, I just wanna help." Amethyst patted Pearl on the back as she returned the hug. "So hey... what do you need right now? You want some space, or do you wanna keep talking?" 

"Ah... I wouldn't mind if you stayed around a little bit more." Pearl said as she slowly pulled away from the hug. She wiped the tears from her face and took a deep breath. "Maybe, if you don't mind, could you bring me a glass of water?" 

"Sure thing. Just sit tight, Pancake." Amethyst said, pulling herself to her feet and making her way towards the kitchen. The new cutesy nickname made Pearl's heart flutter in her chest. _'That's a cute one...'_ she thought with a giggle, a slight blush on her cheeks. 

As she waited for Amethyst to return, she shifted to a more comfortable position on the couch with her legs tucked underneath her. She caught a glimpse of one of Amethyst's paintings hanging by the stairway, and an idea popped into her head. Pearl reached for the book bag on the floor and unzipped it, fumbling around for the familiar cover of her composition notebook, pulling it out just as Amethyst returned from the kitchen. 

"What's that?" Amethyst asked, sitting down beside Pearl and handing her the glass of ice water. 

"It's the old poetry notebook I've been holding onto, heh..." Pearl said. "I was wondering... I-if it's not too weird of me to ask, would you like to take a look at it? Most of it is rather old, but I've done quite a bit of revising over the years, so it's not _too_ embarrassing." She traced her finger along one of the creases on the cover. "Only if you want to, of course -- it just came to mind because I started thinking about the artwork you've shared with me, and I thought it'd be fair if I showed you my own art... if you can call it that." 

"Pfft, of course poetry's an art." Amethyst said, extending a hand. "Give it here. I'd love to see your stuff." 

Pearl took a sip of her ice water as Amethyst flipped through the notebook; she tried not to stare at her, but couldn't help glancing her way every now and then to see her reactions. Amethyst hummed a little bit as she flipped through the pages, a slight smile spreading across her lips as she read. "Aww... You sure loved to write about girls, huh? Looks like teenage Pearl was just as gay as adult Pearl is now." 

Pearl couldn't help but burst into laughter. "I think adult Pearl has only gotten gayer." she said, placing the half-empty glass on the table. 

"Hell yeah!" Amethyst said with a grin. "Anyway, these poems are pretty good. Kinda metaphorical, but not to the point of being confusing, you know? It's easy to read, but doesn't treat me like I'm stupid, either." Amethyst closed up the notebook and placed it down on the coffee table. 

"Thank you so much..." Pearl said. "I haven't shown it to very many people, you know. I had Peony read some of them, but she didn't have much to say about it, and I wouldn't _dare_ show them to my mother -- I convinced her I 'overcame' my attraction to women -- and well... I feel like, considering she hates Rose now, Jasper _probably_ wouldn't want to read it, either." Pearl's heart sank as she remembered when Jasper had told her about the situation with Rose... _'Maybe I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions earlier... She may have been acting cruel, but I can't really prove she lied about Rose abandoning her, either...'_ Pearl thought, turning her attention back to the poetry in an attempt to shake off her guilt. "Anyway, I've been meaning to get back into writing again, but it's been so long, I'm not sure I still have the talent." 

"I'm sure you do. Maybe we could try and do some art together sometime." Amethyst said. "Ya know, I can make one of my shitty paintings, and you could write a poem about it; or, I could read one of your poems and paint a picture of what it looks like." 

"Oh, that could be a fun time!" Pearl said. "And your paintings are _not_ shitty, by the way." 

"Aww, I meant shitty in an endearing way, but thanks." Amethyst snorted. "You wanna do some art now, or do you need alone time? I totally get if you do, especially after today-" 

"No, no, I think I need your company right now." Pearl interrupted. "If you're willing to give it. I like having you here, is what I mean, but if you want to leave, then leave. That- that sounded _way_ harsher than I wanted it to, I'm sorry." Pearl sighed and slapped a hand over her face. "What I mean is, yes; I'd like to do some art together if you're also in the mood. It'd be a good distraction." 

"Heh, don't worry, I get what you mean." Amethyst chuckled. "I've got nothing better to do; you wanna do it in my room, or would you be more comfortable if I took all my art stuff down here?" 

"Hmm..." Pearl tapped the rim of her glass as she thought. "Perhaps in your room, if that's alright? Since that's where you normally do your art, it's probably more comfortable for you; and it's probably a lot more private up there as well." 

"Sounds good." Amethyst pulled herself to her feet and stretched. "So, how you wanna do this? Do you want me to paint a picture of one of your old poems, and you can write a poem about one of the paintings I have hanging in my room?" 

"Yes, that's perfect!" Pearl clasped her hands together. She felt a slight tingle of anxiety as she remembered what had happened last time she went into Amethyst's room, but shook it off; Jasper was already angry at her, so it wasn't like she could make things worse than they already were... And she found herself caring less about what Jasper thought, anyway. 

Amethyst led the way up the stairs and down the hallway; as they passed Jasper's room, Pearl couldn't resist pausing for a moment in front of her door. The lights were still on, and she could faintly hear the sound of a T.V. playing. _'I guess she's not asleep after all...'_ she thought. Shaking off her concern, she turned and continued into Amethyst's room, shutting the door behind her. 

"I'm guessing you _probably_ don't wanna write on the floor, so lemme create some writing space for ya." Amethyst said as she shoved a bunch of her garbage and knick-knacks off of her desk, cringing as she heard the sound of cracking glass. "Oof. Oh well, it's all cheap shit anyway." she shrugged. 

Pearl raised an eyebrow at the now-cracked glass bird statue lying on the floor. "I could have helped you clear it off in a more careful manner, you know." Pearl smiled nervously as she crouched down to pick it up. 

"I'm not the kinda person who thinks things through." Amethyst snorted, waving a hand dismissively. She then turned back towards the desk and grabbed a feathery pen that looked like a flamingo, pulling a notebook down from the shelf and opening it up to a fresh page. "There ya go. Anything else you need to write poetry?" 

"I think you've covered all of the bases, but thank you!" Pearl said, carefully placing the glass bird on a shelf so it couldn't get even more broken. She pulled the chair out from under the desk, and upon realizing there was a pile of clothes sitting on it, she neatly folded them and placed them on Amethyst's bed. Once everything was out of the way, Pearl sat down and reached for the goofy-looking pen, stroking the feathers as she looked around the room for a painting that caught her eye. 

"Are there any paintings in particular that you want me to write about?" Pearl asked. "There's so many to choose from..." 

"Hmm..." Amethyst had seated herself on the floor with her art supplies and a fresh canvas, Pearl's poetry notebook laying open beside her. "How about that one?" Amethyst pointed to the painting hanging right beside the desk. "That one was kinda fun to make; I based it off those Rorschach inkblot things." 

Pearl carefully took the painting down from the wall and placed it on the desk in front of herself; there was a slight crease where the thin canvas had been folded, making the painting perfectly symmetrical. "Alright!" Pearl said with a smile. "This one seems interesting enough!" 

The only two colors in the painting were blue and green, and the background was pitch black; there was an oddly shaped animal-like figure in the middle, and it was surrounded by various spots and smudges. _'Looks kind of like a meditating ram? Surrounded by... clouds, maybe? Not sure if that's a valid interpretation.'_ Pearl thought as she attempted to analyze the painting. _'How do I even turn that into a poem? Maybe our art styles are too different for this collaboration...'_

She turned back to glance at Amethyst, expecting to see her struggling just as much, only to realize she'd already started pouring her paints onto the palette and mixing her colors. _'Damn it. She knows what she's doing; maybe my skills are too rusty for this.'_

She tapped her pen against the notepad as she brainstormed, leaving behind little dots of ink each time it tapped against the sheet of paper. The silence in the room wasn't exactly helping with her creativity, either, so she decided it would be helpful if she made conversation. 

"Hey, Amethyst..." Pearl began. "When did you realized you liked girls?" 

"Probably around the time I realized I _was_ one." Amethyst said. "So like, around middle school. What about you?" 

"I think I've known it ever since I was little." Pearl began to draw a line of bullet points on her paper, despite not having any ideas to write beside them. "I remember my first crush being on a girl in my kindergarten class; she was very tomboyish, but always wore skirts and big bows in her hair... But I didn't really know it was a crush, I guess? I just thought I wanted to be her friend... I didn't really recognize any of my crushes as such until... high school, I think." Pearl placed her pen on the table, resting her chin in her hand. "I remember one day I asked my mother if girls could like other girls, and her response was a flat out 'no'. Not even a 'that's sinful', or 'that's wrong'. It wasn't that we _shouldn't_ but that we _couldn't._ Isn't that strange?" 

"If by strange, you mean fucked up." Amethyst said. "Damn, I'm sorry about that, though. At least when _my_ mom was weird about me being trans and bi, she didn't treat it like it didn't exist; just acted like it was along the lines of having a fetish." She reached for her largest paint brush, dipping it into the puddle of pure black paint on her palette. 

"That's not fair to you either, though!" Pearl said. "You're not weird or perverted for being trans or bisexual... And I'm not weird for being a lesbian, either." 

"I know I'm not; I just don't really care what other people think about it." Amethyst shrugged, brushing the black paint across the canvas in front of her. "If I did, I'd probably never leave the house. And that's also how I put up with living here; it became much more bearable when I no longer gave a singular _shit_ what Jasper thought about me." 

Pearl smiled as she turned back towards the desk, reaching for the feathery pen again. "Oh? So you don't care what _anyone_ thinks?" 

"Nope." 

"Not even a little bit?" 

"Not a single fuck to be given, ma'am." 

"Do you care that I think you're wonderful?" 

The exaggerated groan that followed made Pearl burst into laughter. "Oh my _gosh,_ you really are the cheesiest of Pierogies." Amethyst said, tilting her head back to look at Pearl. 

"I'm merely stating the truth!" Pearl turned back around in her chair to face Amethyst. "You really _are_ wonderful! And I love being around you. You never fail to brighten up my day, and I'll remind you of it until it drives you crazy!" 

"Pfft, you already do." Amethyst brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, her smile only growing. "...But thanks. You're a real sweetheart." 

"I try my best." Pearl giggled. Still holding the pen in her hand, she brushed the soft feathers against her chin, gazing at Amethyst with a warm expression. She watched as she stroked the canvas with her paint brush, coating every inch of it in black. She couldn't help but wonder what poem she'd chosen to paint, but judging by the dark color scheme, she assumed it was one of her less romantic ones... With a sigh of content, Pearl rest her head in her arms. _'Watching her paint is so relaxing... Perhaps my poem can wait.'_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had a bit of a hiatus because the lack of SU content kinda killed my motivation, but it's starting to come back! so that's why this chapter is a bit late. hope you enjoy <3

_Though the sun casts on my back,_  
_I cannot feel its warmth._  
_I can only feel it tearing at my skin_  
_Until it blisters, burns, bleeds._  
_I remember the flames beneath the earth._

* * *

Pearl woke with her head in her arms and a sore back. It took her a moment to realize where she was; realizing she was not asleep on the couch, she bolted upright in panic, only to realize that she'd merely fallen asleep at Amethyst's desk. 

_'Goodness, I'm a mess! I don't even remember falling asleep...'_ she thought as she wiped drool from her face. _'Gross.'_ She felt a light blanket slide down as she sat up to stretch her arms. Her heart fluttered as she realized Amethyst must have draped it over her shoulders last night. _'How sweet of her...'_

She glanced over to Amethyst's bed, smiling at the sight of her sprawled out on top of the blankets. Her hair was a mess, and she looked like she'd fallen asleep in her clothes. Pearl then turned her gaze over to the area of the floor where Amethyst had done her painting, brightening up as she saw the finished piece of artwork; trying to make as little noise as possible, Pearl slipped out of the chair and tiptoed across the carpet, seating herself down in front of the canvas. The paint still looked a little bit wet, leading Pearl to assume Amethyst must have finished it and passed out on the bed within the past hour or so. She looked around the room, but Amethyst seemed to own everything _except_ a clock; but, the minimal sunlight casting through the curtains made it safe to assume it was early in the morning. She turned back to the painting and carefully grasped it by the edges, tilting it up towards the window so she could get a better view. 

The background was a bright, sunny yellow with splotches of orange and white, and in the very center of the painting was a jagged black shape that reminded Pearl of a broken window. Red dripped down from the black shape as if it were leaking blood, dripping into a puddle at the bottom of the canvas. 

_'Of all poems, of course she'd choose the most depressing one to paint...'_ Pearl thought with a huff of amusement. She glanced towards Amethyst once more, grabbing the blanket from the chair and draping it over her sleeping body before carefully making her way out of the room. 

She tiptoed down the stairs; still unaware of what time it was, she didn't want to risk waking up Jasper. Her throat was feeling rather dry, so Pearl made her way towards the kitchen and opened up the cupboard to grab a cup. As she turned to head towards the sink, she spotted a figure sitting at the table and let out an embarrassing squeak as she dropped her (thankfully, plastic) cup on the floor. 

Jasper, however, didn't react to Pearl's presence; with one hand on her phone, and the other hand stirring a cup of coffee, she acted as if Pearl wasn't even there. 

Once she regained her composure, Pearl straightened out her skirt -- she cringed in disgust as she was reminded of how she'd slept in her clothes -- and crouched down to pick up the cup she'd dropped on the floor. "Didn't expect to see you down here..." Her voice was raspy from sleep and thirst, and she turned on the faucet to fill up her cup. As she did this, she caught a quick glimpse of the time on the stove; 6:32. Jasper was probably just about to leave. 

No response. Pearl took a few sips of water and set the half full cup down on the counter. "Do you want to say anything?" she asked, glancing over her shoulder at Jasper. 

After a few more moments of silence, Pearl found herself growing impatient. "Hello? Am I a ghost?" 

Jasper finally turned her gaze up from her phone, locking her screen and pushing it aside. "I don't have anything to say." 

Pearl narrowed her eyes. "Not a single word about what happened last night?" 

"No." Jasper took a sip of her coffee and turned her gaze away from Pearl. 

"Listen." Pearl began, taking a deep breath. "I... may have been a little bit harsh last night. But I need you to understand that I came here to escape from an abusive home, and--" 

"I _know_ what I did wrong, you don't have to explain it to me like I'm a fucking moron." Jasper huffed. 

Pearl's expression dropped. "Then... Why aren't you-" 

"I'm not apologizing because I know it won't mean shit." Jasper said. She pulled herself to her feet, bringing her breakfast dishes over to the sink and rinsing them off. "And before you ask -- no, I'm not going to kick you out. I'm an asshole but I'm not a fucking monster." 

"I..." Pearl wrung her hands, gazing down at her feet. "Okay. Thank you." she finally said, relieved that she wasn't going to be homeless again, but still unsure what to make of everything else. After Jasper placed her dishes in the dishwasher, she paused for a moment as if she wanted to say something else -- but she decided against it, and made her way out of the room without another word.

* * *

"...And as it rolled it sang this song:  
'Oh I'm lookin' for my missin' piece,  
I'm lookin' for my missin' piece,  
Hi-dee-ho, here I go,  
Lookin' for my missin' piece." 

Pearl wiped down the tables with a washcloth as Mrs. Fluorite read to the circle of kids on the carpet, her soft, slow voice cracking slightly as she sang. Pearl listened with soft smile on her face; it was a book she'd read many times as a kid, so she knew the song by heart and couldn't help but hum along just under her breath. 

Once the tables were all cleaned up and the snacks were passed out, the story came to its end; _'Perfect timing.'_ Pearl thought as the kids scrambled to their feet and made their way over to the tables. Pearl felt a little tug on her shirt, turning down and meeting a familiar pair of dark eyes. 

"Sit with me!" Steven begged, tugging Pearl over to one of the tables. 

"Oh -- alright!" Pearl chuckled once she realized she didn't have much of a choice. She sat down at one of the too-small chairs, her knees just barely fitting under the table. Steven handed Pearl his juice box. "Can you open? Please?" he asked. 

"Sure thing." Pearl said, unwrapping the straw and using it to puncture the foil on the juice box, handing it back over to Steven. 

"Thank you!" Steven eagerly took it back and took a long sip. He pointed over at Connie, who was bouncing in her chair and chewing on her fingers. "Do you know Connie?" 

"I have met her, yes." Pearl responded. 

"She's my best friend! She come over to my house to play sometimes." Steven said. "And I goed to her house before too!" 

"That sounds like fun!" Pearl said with a little giggle, half-listening to the conversation, half-looking around the room to make sure Mrs. Fluorite didn't need help with anything else; once she saw the older woman give her a little nod of reassurance, Pearl turned her focus back towards Steven. "What kind of games do you like to play with Connie?" 

"Hide and go seek, freeze tag, puppies and kitties -- she's the puppy, I'm the kitty -- oh, and one time her dad took us to the park to play ball! I falled and hurt my knee." Steven said, gesturing to a Hello Kitty bandaid on his knee. "Wanna see?" he asked, reaching to peel it off. 

"No no, you should definitely keep the bandaid on!" Pearl urged with a nervous laugh, grasping Steven's hand before he could show her. "W-wouldn't want to get any germs on your injury, after all." 

"Woof!" Connie blurted out, catching both Pearl and Steven by surprise. "I'm puppy!" 

"Meow!" Steven meowed back. 

"Woof!" Connie stuck her tongue out. 

"Meow!" 

"Woof!" 

As the two went back and forth, Pearl saw this as an opportunity to leave them be. She slowly rose from her chair and pushed it back in, making her way towards Mrs. Fluorite. 

"Aren't they just the most adorable little things?" Mrs. Fluorite said once Pearl approached her. "It's a blessing that we can do all of this for them." 

Pearl watched as Connie and Steven continued to go back and forth, their faces moving closer with each "woof" and "meow" until their foreheads were touching. "They sure are silly, that's for certain." she chuckled. 

Soon enough, the kids had finished up their snacks and coloring pages, and their parents arrived one by one to pick them up. Priyanka was the first to arrive -- as usual -- and her daughter skipped over to her and leaped into her arms. 

"Did you have fun today, honey?" Priyanka asked as she brushed a strand of hair behind Connie's ear. 

"Yes! Also, I'm puppy!" Connie giggled. 

Priyanka raised an eyebrow at her. "A puppy again, huh?" she said with a huff of amusement. "Can you show us how a puppy says goodbye?"

Connie nodded and waved a little chubby hand at everyone. "Woof woof!" she said, and Pearl returned the wave with a soft smile on her face as Priyanka carried her daughter out into the hallway. 

Once a good amount of kids had been picked up, Pearl began to wipe down the tables again; she was amazed -- and somewhat disgusted -- at how little kids managed to make such a huge mess simply eating granola bars. 

"Peeearl!" Steven called, approaching Pearl and dragging along a rather tall woman. "Wanna say hi to mommy before I go?" 

"Ah, of course!" Pearl responded, finishing up wiping the table and setting the wash cloth aside. She extended a hand towards the tall woman and greeted, "Nice to meet you, I'm Pearl!" But as soon as she made contact with a pair of familiar dark brown eyes, her heart nearly leaped out of her chest. "...Rose?" 

The woman's expression turned brighter than the sun, and she pulled Pearl into a tight hug that knocked the air right out of her. "Pearl! Oh my goodness, this is the last place I'd ever expect to see you!" 

"I could say the same for you!" Pearl said once Rose released her snake-like grip. She gave her a good look up and down; her hair was still as pink as ever, but she'd grown it out to the length of her hips. Her arms were covered in tattoos, mostly of flowers and stars, but she spotted a rainbow flag among them, as well as "Steven" written in cursive inside a pink heart. She was also slightly chubbier than Pearl had recalled from the last time she'd seen her, and she had a wedding band on her left ring finger. "Goodness, I... How have you been? I've missed you!" Pearl gasped. 

"I've missed you too!" Rose said. "Gosh, I'd truly thought you'd dropped off the face of the earth when your mother pulled you out of school... I tried calling you, contacting you online, _everything._ " She smiled warmly, and Pearl could see tears forming in her eyes. Rose quickly brushed them away, however, and reached for Steven's hand. "Could we try and... keep in touch?" she asked. "I'd love to stay and chat for longer, but my husband's waiting for us in the car, and we were gonna do some shopping..." 

"Yes, of course! I should probably stay here and finish cleaning up, anyway..." Pearl said; she couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy at the mention of a husband, but immediately shook it off once she realized how ridiculous that was. "I-I don't have a phone, but perhaps we could find each other on Facebook?" 

"Perfect!" Rose gave Pearl a thumbs up. "My last name is Universe now. I don't think there's many Rose Universes on Facebook, so it should be easy to find me." she added with a wink. 

_'Of course she'd marry someone with a last name like that.'_ Pearl thought with a little smile. "Alright, I'll be sure to find you there when I get home!" 

"Thanks a bunch! See you later!" Rose waved, and Steven gave Pearl a little wave as well, which she happily returned.

* * *

Amethyst ran her fingers through her hair as she made her way down the stairs; she heard the faint sound of clacking keys, and as she passed the living room, she saw Pearl curled up with her laptop on her lap. 

"Hey girlie, how was your library thing?" 

Pearl looked up at Amethyst with an eager expression that seemed to say 'you'll never guess what happened today'. "It was wonderful! Well, the storytime itself was the same as always, mostly relaxing with a little bit of chaos, but -- guess who I saw at the library!" 

"Was it me astral projecting from my dreams?" Amethyst teased. 

"Haha, nope! It was _Rose._ " Pearl said, placing her laptop aside and flapping her hands. 

"Whoa, for real?" 

"Yes!" Pearl giggled with excitement and jumped to her feet. "She was coming to pick up her son -- who is an absolute _angel_ , I must add -- and as soon as she saw me, she gave me a great big hug! She was so happy to see me, what a relief..." Pearl sighed happily. "And I found her on Facebook -- she hasn't accepted my friend request yet, but when she does, I'm going to have _so_ much to talk about!" 

"I bet." Amethyst said, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "You think you're gonna give her that notebook?" 

Pearl's heart sank at the mention of that, remembering the deal she'd previously made with Jasper. She shook off any remaining guilt, however, and reminded herself of what had happened the previous night. "I think so, yes." she said after a few moments of hesitation. "If it won't be awkward, that is. Some of that poetry is romantic, and she has a husband, so I'm not sure that'd be crossing a boundary..." 

Amethyst shrugged. "I dunno either; maybe you could make it clear that it's just supposed to be a nostalgic thing?" 

"Maybe..." Pearl hummed in thought, sitting back down on the couch. She glanced back at her computer screen; still no response from Rose. _'Give her time. She said she was going shopping...'_ Then, Pearl remembered something that snapped her right out of her moping. "Oh! I can't believe I forgot -- I saw your painting from last night!" Pearl clasped her hands together and smiled again. "It was very lovely! A-and I'm sorry I didn't quite finish my part of the collaboration..." 

"Eh, no biggie. I needed some inspiration for a painting, so I had a lot of fun with it." Amethyst grinned. "But thanks! I was kinda worried you'd wanted me to choose a happier poem, but that one just really jumped out at me -- so I didn't have much of a choice, heh. But I'm glad you liked it." 

"It's perfectly alright, you did a wonderful job!" Pearl said. 

"Thanks, girlie." Amethyst sat down on the recliner across from Pearl, reaching for the T.V. remote. "Speaking of that, uh... Hope this isn't douchey of me to ask, but what's the poem about?" 

Pearl turned her gaze away from Amethyst. "Ah, well... I wrote that when I got outed to my mother." she said, fidgeting with her hands in her lap. 

"Oh, shit..." Amethyst said, feeling a little guilty for asking about it now. "I'm sorry. You don't gotta go into any more detail if you don't want, I was just curious is all." 

"No, no, it's alright!" Pearl's expression brightened up again, but only slightly. "It's in the past. I'm alright now, and I'll never see her again -- that's what matters. I've got enough problems in the present to be focusing on, after all." 

"Yeah, that's true." Amethyst said. She pressed the power button on the T.V., but turned the volume down just so there was just enough to give a little background noise. 

Now that the conversation had trailed off and Amethyst had turned her focus towards playing a game on her phone, Pearl decided she could go back to refreshing her Facebook feed. Uncertainty still bubbled up in her chest as her mind began to wander towards the whole situation with Rose and Jasper, but before she could start to over-analyze anything, she heard a little "ping!" come from her computer. 

_"Rose Quartz Universe has accepted your friend request!"_


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **TW for implied abuse and mentions of homophobia in this chapter!**
> 
> i swear this is a pearlmethyst fanfic it's just super slow burn lmao BUT more shippy stuff with them coming soon! for now, this chapter is gonna be mostly about past rose/pearl :P i hope you enjoy!

Pearl tugged at the bottom of her skirt, her heart pounding so hard Rose could probably hear it from across the room. Her eyes were glued to the tiles on the floor; she knew that if she made eye contact with anyone, she'd immediately burst into tears, so she felt this was the only way she'd manage to keep her composure. The sound of footsteps in the hallway made Pearl flinch, and the office door slowly creaked open as Yasmine walked in. The presence of such an intimidating woman only made Pearl lower her head even more, her body trembling just slightly. 

"Alright girls, what's going on?" the principal asked in a surprisingly calm tone, seating herself at her desk. 

Silence. Pearl knew she wouldn't be able to speak coherently even if she tried, and Rose was stuck pouting in her own chair, tapping her foot impatiently. 

" _Rose._ " 

Rose groaned. "Isn't it kinda obvious?" 

"I've heard Mrs. Agate's side of the story, but I'm not going to suspend my own daughter until I've also listened to hers." Yasmine said. 

The mention of that horrible "S" word made Pearl's skin crawl. 

Rose huffed. "Mrs. Agate was being a bitch to us in class-" 

"Watch your language." 

Rose rolled her eyes. "Mrs. Agate was being a _jerk_ to us yesterday. So after school, I found her car in the parking lot and keyed it up." 

"There we go." Yasmine said. "Now, what is the appropriate thing to do when someone hurts your feelings, dear?" 

"Be mean right back to them." Rose stated. 

"No." Yasmine let out a sigh. "I know you have trouble controlling your anger, but you _need_ to make more of an effort. This isn't an eye-for-an-eye kind of world. If you felt Mrs. Agate was treating you unfairly, you should have simply come to me and I would have sorted things out." 

"Yeah, sure." Rose grumbled, brushing her pink bangs away from her face. "Because that's totally worked before." 

Yasmine let out another exasperated sigh and turned her gaze towards Pearl, knowing she wasn't going to get much out of Rose. "Miss Pearl, would _you_ like to explain yourself?" 

Pearl only tightened her grip on her skirt as her lip quivered, still refusing to speak. 

"Take a deep breath. If you don't speak up now, you might never get your chance to share your side of the story." Yasmine encouraged, her voice getting slightly softer in an attempt to reassure Pearl. 

Sniffling, Pearl wiped her nose on her sweater sleeve. "She..." she croaked out, her voice raspy from crying. "C-called us perverted..." 

"Please speak up, I can't hear-" 

"She called us perverts because I held Pearl's hand in class, alright?" Rose blurted out. "She acted like we were making out or some shit -- which we weren't. So she told us not to bring our 'perversion' into her classroom and then separated us, and then everyone in the class started laughing at us, which made Pearl start crying." Rose pulled herself to her feet and advanced towards Yasmine's desk. "Wouldn't _you_ do the same thing if anyone made Bella cry?" 

Pearl turned her gaze up just enough to gaze at Rose from behind. Her heart fluttered in her chest at the sight of her girlfriend standing up for both of them, even though she knew the consequences were still inevitable. 

Yasmine's expression softened, but she still glared right into her daughter's eyes and rose to her feet as well. " _No,_ I wouldn't, because I know how to handle things like an adult." she finally said after taking a deep breath. "You need to understand that most of society hasn't come far enough to accept people like us. In this country, people are allowed to disagree with us if that's what they believe." 

"Well if she disagrees with me liking girls, then _I_ disagree with Mrs. Agate's car not being keyed." Rose responded smugly. 

Yasmine smiled, but still shook her head. "No, honey, that isn't how things work." she said. "That said -- what Mrs. Agate did to you was _wrong,_ and I will be having a serious talk with her. Even if she disagrees with our lifestyles, what she did to you girls was unprofessional. But you two are still going to have one week of suspension." 

Pearl's immediately burst into tears at that, burying her face into her hands. 

"What? Fuck no!" Rose protested and slammed her fists on Yasmine's desk. "I'll take two weeks of suspension, okay? Or three! Pearl's mom will ruin her life if she finds out; you have _no_ idea how awful she is!" 

"I'm not going to mention anything about your relationship or tell her the specifics of Mrs. Agate's comments -- but I think every mother deserves to know when her daughter has acted out." Yasmine pushed her chair back under her desk and began to make her way towards the door. "I have to make a phone call. Have a seat." she continued, giving Rose a nudge back towards the other chair. 

Once the door was shut, Rose let out a huge sigh. "I'm so sorry..." 

Pearl wiped away her tears. "It's not your fault..." she choked out. 

"But it is! I'm the one that got us into this bullshit..." 

"But I could have stayed out of it!" Pearl whispered. 

"But I knew you'd follow me like you always do!" 

"But I knew what would happen if I did!" 

Rose sighed. "Alright, let's just drop it. Fighting is the last thing you need right now." she said. She scooted her chair a bit closer to Pearl's and reached for her hand. "No matter what happens, it's gonna be alright." 

Pearl nodded, but in all honesty, she had no idea what awaited her when she got home. She extended a hand towards Rose and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I love you..." 

"I love you too."

* * *

As Pearl waited in the cafe with the notebook in her lap, she felt her heart racing in her chest. Irrational as it was, she couldn't shake the slight worry that Rose wouldn't show up -- even though it was still five minutes until the time they'd decided to meet up. She half-considered getting herself a doughnut to pass the time, but her stomach felt uneasy and that was the last thing she needed right then. 

Taking a deep breath, she leaned back in the booth and gazed up at the ceiling as she waited, listening to the ambiance of the cafe. The loud whirring of blending smoothies filled the air; a child somewhere in the cafe was loudly counting how many sprinkles were on his doughnut; two teenagers in the booth behind Pearl were watching some vulgar video on their phone (without headphones) and laughing loudly at it. _'Not exactly the most relaxing atmosphere.'_ she thought, half wondering if she should have chosen to meet Rose at the library instead. 

Just then, the bell above the door rang, and Pearl caught a glimpse of a head of huge, pink hair. She immediately perked up and waved a hand to catch Rose's attention. Rose glanced around for a moment before spotting Pearl, brightening up before heading her way. 

"Hey there!" she greeted as she slid into the other side of the booth, smoothing out her pink and white polka-dotted dress. "How's it going?" 

"I'm doing lovely!" Pearl lied. "How about you?" 

"Tired. And craving a smoothie. Want me to buy you one?" Rose asked. 

"Oh, you don't have to do that!" 

"Yes, but I'd like to." Rose smiled warmly. "Do you want one?" 

"Ah... sure! Strawberry banana would be nice... Oh, and chia seeds, but I know they're an extra fifty cents so I don't _need_ them." Pearl said. 

"Chia seeds it is. You can relax, I'll go order our smoothies and be back in a jiffy." Rose said. Before Pearl could say anything else, Rose was out of her seat and making her way towards the counter. With a shy smile, Pearl fidgeted with the notebook in her lap. 

A few moments later, Rose returned to the booth. "Alright, smoothies ordered! They'll be done in a few minutes." she said. "Now, tell me what's going on!" 

"Well..." Pearl blushed. "Not too much! I recently moved in with... a few friends." she said, not sure if she wanted to specify _who_ just yet. "Not working, just... volunteering at the library with the kids." 

"Aww, I never saw you as the type to be around kids!" Rose cooed. "You always seemed to think they were gross." 

"I still do." Pearl chuckled. "But it isn't too bad. Yours is a little angel, by the way." 

"Aww, isn't he? He told me all about you." Rose sighed happily. "There's not a soul out there my little Stevie couldn't make friends with. He's just the warmest ray of sunshine -- he gets that from my honey, Greg." 

"Really? I'd have assumed he gets it from you." Pearl said. 

"Definitely not. I'm actually not as social as I used to be... I don't have many friends these days." Rose smiled sadly. "Greg, on the other hand, could make friends with a serial killer if he tried." 

"Rose!" the barista called from across the cafe, and Pearl felt slightly relieved that the attention had been drawn away from Rose's husband. 

"Ah, there's our smoothies!" Rose jumped to her feet again. As she headed towards the counter, Pearl turned her gaze back down towards the notebook in her lap. _'Not yet... I need to wait for the right time.'_ she thought. 

Once Rose returned, Pearl reached for her smoothie and took a long sip of it, suddenly realizing how thirsty she'd been. "Ah, thank you! I needed that." she said. 

"No problem." Rose said, taking a sip of her own.. "So, who're these friends you're living with?" 

Pearl nearly choked on her smoothie. "Oh, uh..." she began, coughing. "Jasper and Amethyst. I-I'm sure you know Jasper, not sure if you've met her sister Amethyst..." 

Rose's expression fell, but she still kept a slight smile on her face. "Ah, yes, I do remember them both..." Rose fidgeted with the label on her smoothie, turning her gaze down towards the table. An uncomfortable silence fell between the two, and Pearl's gaze fell down towards the notebook again. 

"In that case, ah... This might sound strange, but... Could you pass on a message for me?" Rose asked. 

"Of course." Pearl said. 

"Could you... tell Jasper I'm sorry for what I did?" Rose said; Pearl could see the slight shine of tears forming in her dark eyes. "I'm... not sure I should go into the specifics, but... after you left, I did something very, very cruel to her, and well... It's been eating at me. But I understand if you're not comfortable passing it on." 

Pearl's heart sank. Guilt washed over her as she remembered what she'd said to Jasper the other day. _'She wasn't lying at all...'_ she thought. 

"Y...yes, of course!" Pearl said. "She... actually told me what happened." 

"Ah..." Rose said. "Well... I probably seem like a pretty awful person, don't I?" 

Pearl bit her lip. "No, never, just... I guess I've been wondering... Why did you abandon her?" 

Rose placed her hands on her lap, a tear running down her cheek and smudging her heavy mascara. "When your mother pulled you out of school, I knew it was because I'd gotten you in trouble. And I didn't want that for Jasper, too. I didn't want to drag her into my bad decisions, especially since she already got herself into enough trouble... So I started avoiding her. I wanted her to hate me so she wouldn't get hurt like you did." She reached for a napkin, wiping some of the mascara off of her cheek. "But I know that was the wrong thing to do, and knowing her, it probably tore her apart." 

Pearl fidgeted with the corners of the notebook, struggling to think of how to respond to that. "It... it really did." she finally said. "But... I also think she wants to hear your apology. I'll make sure to pass it on to her." 

Rose smiled gratefully. "Thank you so much. Please make sure to tell her I'm not entitled to any forgiveness, okay? I just want her to know that I never stopped caring about her; I just went about protecting her in a careless and selfish way." 

"Of course, of course..." Pearl said, reaching for Rose's hand across the table; she was half tempted to hold it for a moment, but upon spotting the shine of her wedding ring she decided against it, simply giving her a comforting pat instead. "But please remember you're _not_ an awful person for this. You were just a kid; we were all stupid and didn't know how to handle our problems back then. That's how _everyone_ was at some point." Pearl placed her hands back on her smoothie cup, fidgeting with the straw again. 

"I guess that's true, huh? What matters is I've grown up." Rose brightened up just a little bit, brushing a strand of curly hair away from her face. "That said... even though the consequences were definitely not worth it, I _still_ think Mrs. Agate deserved what we did to her car." 

Pearl snorted and cupped a hand over her mouth. "Goodness, you sure are one to hold a grudge, aren't you?" 

"I mean, I know you weren't there for it, but she never stopped being cruel even after my Mom chewed her out for being homophobic to us." Rose said, resting her chin in her hands. "Some say to this day, she's still bitching at teenagers for their poor posture..." 

Pearl rolled her eyes. "It really felt like she had nothing better to do than nitpick her students. At least we don't have to deal with her anymore." 

"That's true... But still." Rose's expression fell. "What you went through after that was probably even worse..." 

"Without a doubt." Pearl responded. "But that's in the past as well." 

Rose nodded. "Right. Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have brought it up." 

"It's alright, it's kind of an elephant in the room..." Pearl chuckled. The notebook in her lap began to slide down and Pearl grabbed it before it could fall, suddenly reminded of its existence. "And, uh, maybe that's another conversation for another day. I want this to be a more pleasant meeting -- but before we go, there's something I want to give you." 

Rose raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" 

"It's... very sentimental, very cheesy, and I completely understand if you're not comfortable with it because you're married and all." Pearl began; Rose's expression only looked more confused, and Pearl immediately regretted her choice of words. "Ah, that sounded bad. It's, um -- it's the notebook of the poetry I wrote in middle school. Some of it is romantic, and if you think that might be uncomfortable for you or your husband, I completely understand if you don't want it..." 

"Oh!" Rose's expression brightened right up. "Yes, yes, I would love to see it!" 

Pearl let out a sigh of relief. "Are you sure? I don't want to seem like I'm trying to make any advances. I just thought, since I'd promised to let you read my poetry someday but never got around to it--" 

"Yes, of course! Are you kidding? My husband isn't a super jealous guy, he won't be suspicious or weirded out at _all_. He'll understand that what we had was in the past." Rose waved a hand dismissively. "And no, he won't be weird about me having dated a girl, he's bisexual too." 

"Ah, alright! That's good." Pearl said, carefully placing the notebook on the table and sliding it over towards Rose. "Then... here you go. It's a little embarrassing, but..." 

Rose smiled, reaching for the book and holding it against her chest. "It's alright. I think it's very sweet that you held onto it for all these years just so you could keep your promise." she said with a little wink. 

Pearl blushed. "Heh, well, I don't like breaking promises... And I've saved all of the poetry to my computer, so there's no need for me to have it anymore." 

"Oh, that's good! I feel a little less guilty taking this home knowing that you have it all backed up..." Rose said, stirring the scarce remains of her smoothie with her straw. "But I should probably be heading home... I know we didn't get to chat for too long, but the bus will be dropping Steven off soon, and I don't want to leave him at the house all alone." Pulling herself to her feet, she smoothed out her dress and tucked her hair behind her ears. 

"I understand! I'm just glad we got to chat at all." Pearl was undeniably a little disappointed that she was leaving so soon, but didn't allow herself to show it. She stood up as well and pulled her keys out of her skirt pocket, beginning to make her way towards the door. "I'll be sure to message you tonight. Perhaps we could schedule another meetup, and I could bring along Amethyst! I think you two would get along well." 

"Ooh, that sounds like fun!" Rose flapped her hands with excitement. "That can definitely happen next time!" 

Before the two headed their separate ways, Rose gave Pearl one of her typical bear-like hugs that lifted her right off the ground. As Pearl returned the affection, she couldn't help but notice the sweet, familiar scent of Rose's perfume.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally some pearlmethyst content in this pearlmethyst fanfic lmao. hope you enjoy! <3 and i dont think theres any trigger warnings for this chapter, its all fluff :3c

_I cross my legs, fold my hands,_   
_Straighten out my spine,_  
_Wear a skirt, gloss my lips,_  
_For a moment that won't come._

_Yet here you sit,_  
_An effortless work of art_  
_With no need for sparks_  
_Just you, and you alone;_  
_And you're brighter than the sun_  
_But I can't close my eyes._

* * *

As Amethyst buried her face into her pillow, the sound of footsteps in the hallway reminded her just how late -- or early -- it was. Either Jasper was up and getting ready for work, or Pearl was up and moving around. She rolled over onto her back with a sigh, rubbing her sore eyes and ripping her headphones out of her ears. Not even her white noise playlists were enough to help her sleep, so she decided it was best to just get out of bed for the time being, even if it meant falling asleep in the middle of the day and being mocked by Jasper. 

Amethyst rolled off of her bed and made her way towards her bedroom door, unlocking it and slowly pulling it open; she spotted a trail of light leading down the hallway, noticing that the curtains to the balcony door had shifted. _'Must be Pearl.'_ she thought with a yawn. Tying her hair up into a bun and popping a stick of gum in her mouth to freshen herself up, Amethyst slid the glass door open and peered out onto the balcony. "Morning, Pierogi." 

Pearl flinched, turning back to glance at Amethyst. "O-oh, good morning!" Pearl said. The tone of her voice was clearly on-edge; she was leaning against the railing with a cup of tea in her hands, anxiously swirling it around with a small spoon. "You're up early." 

"Didn't really sleep much." Amethyst shrugged, scratching the back of her head. "Insomnia can be a bitch." 

"Oh, I know that feeling." Pearl said. Her gaze never left her cup of tea; Amethyst noticed it was completely full and not even steaming, and wondered how long Pearl had been stirring that cup or if she'd even drank from it at all. 

"How'd it go with Rose yesterday?" Amethyst asked, leaning against the railing. 

"Ah, it was wonderful... She was _so_ happy to see me." Pearl's voice seemed to immediately perk up at the opportunity to speak about Rose. "And she was excited to finally receive the poetry book; she even reassured me that her husband wouldn't be uncomfortable with it." Pearl traced the rim of the cup with her finger, her expression dropping. "Right now, though... It's a little hard to be happy about that, because... well, she confirmed something I didn't want to hear." 

Amethyst raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?" 

"She... really _did_ abandon Jasper back in high school. And now she wants me to deliver an apology for her." Pearl sighed. "And... now I feel so foolish. When I had that fight with Jasper, I'd told her right to her face that I thought she was lying about the whole thing. Now I feel like I was being even worse than her..." 

"Hey, you didn't know that, alright?" Amethyst placed a hand on Pearl's shoulder. "And with the way Jasper was acting, I really can't blame you for thinking she lied. You may have screwed up, I can't deny that, but... she's got no place to judge you either. Not after the way she acted to _both_ of us." 

Pearl took a sip of her now-cold tea. "I suppose you're right." she said. "I was never good at admitting when I was wrong... But I can't live with this tension anymore." She placed her cup of tea down on the railing, turning to Amethyst with a sad smile. "Does this kind of thing happen with you and Jasper?" 

Amethyst snorted. "Like, every day. We fight over every little thing under the sun, but we don't... really make up afterwards. Just kinda act like it never happened a few hours later; we're too far up our own asses to admit when we're wrong -- and by we, I mean Jasper -- and ignoring it is the only way to keep this house from turning into a warzone." she sighed, resting her elbow on the railing. "But she can't hate me _too_ much. Like I said, she lets me stay under her roof and eat her groceries and all that shit." 

"So did my mother." Pearl regretted her words the moment they left her mouth. "I mean -- not that she's _anything_ like my her. At least I hope to God she's not. That was a harsh comparison, but -- what I meant was, just because she does nice things for you doesn't mean there's no room for improvement." 

"Hey, don't worry, you've barely told me anything about her, so I didn't think much of it." Amethyst reassured. "But... yeah, I getcha. I guess it's something I'll have to put up with until I move out. Which is probably, like, a hundred years from now." 

Pearl smiled sadly. "I could say the same for myself. We're both pretty dependent on her for now, so I think it's best we _both_ try to make things better, correct?" 

"Blehh." Amethyst stuck her tongue out. "You're right, but I hate it." 

Pearl placed a hand on Amethyst's shoulder. "I know. It might be easier if we talk to her together rather than approaching her individually." 

"Blehhh..." Amethyst groaned. "It's just kinda different because she's my sister, you know? She sees me differently than she sees you. Like, _way_ differently." 

"Yes, I know..." Pearl sighed, gently stroking Amethyst's back in an attempt to comfort her. "But that doesn't mean it's the right way. If she doesn't see you as a wonderful, talented, beautiful person, then her own sibling rivalry has blinded her, and she just needs to open up her eyes." 

Amethyst huffed with amusement. "Pfft, don't try to flatter me." 

"I'm not." Pearl smiled, her cheeks flushing as she rested her arms back at her sides. Even with her hair a mess and her eyes baggy from sleep deprivation, Amethyst looked serene in her own way as she gazed off into the neighborhood with her arms on the balcony railing. She had an urge to brush a strand of hair away from Amethyst's face, but restricted her temptation, feeling as if she'd already shown more physical affection than was necessary. "Hey... you know, I don't have to go anywhere today. Perhaps we could do something fun to get our minds off this? Maybe something low-energy, like taking a walk by the duck pond, or watching a movie at home. That is, only if you're not planning to go back to sleep, of course! No pressure either way..." Pearl blushed a little, feeling silly for temporarily forgetting that Amethyst had been up all night. 

"Hm... I think my best bet would be to stay up. Wouldn't wanna fuck up my sleep schedule even more than I already have." Amethyst said, standing upright and stretching her arms. "A movie might make me sleepy, though. Let's do the walk first, maybe feed some ducks." 

"Alright, perfect! A-and remember there's no pressure, if there's something else you'd rather do, feel free to throw the idea out there!" Pearl said. 

"I'll be sure to keep it in mind." Amethyst said with a wink. "Lemme change into something a lil less grubby and we can head out."

* * *

Little fuzzy ducklings peeped as they paddled behind their mother, their webbed feet kicking the surface of the water. Pearl rested her arms against the fence, unable to resist cooing at the mere sight of them. "Aren't they just precious? I wish I could take one home..." 

Amethyst ripped open a bag of frozen corn, grabbing a few kernels and tossing them in the ducklings' direction. "Yeah, they're cute little guys." she said, watching as they all hurried towards the corn and gobbled it right up. "You know, I've tried to convince Jasper to let me get a bird, but she said fuck no to that." Amethyst continued, rolling her eyes. "Said they smell weird and they're loud. I think she confused them with herself." 

"Wow, harsh." Pearl chuckled, reaching into the bag for some corn. She pulled out a clump of kernels that were frozen together and carefully separated them with her fingers before throwing them to the crowd of paddling and quacking ducks. 

"I'm joking, she probably showers more than I do." Amethyst snorted. She somewhat regretted saying it, however; not because it was mean spirited, but because it felt like they'd already talked about Jasper enough that morning. "Anyway, one of these days I wanna come out here with a canvas and just paint in front of the duck pond." 

"Oh, that's a lovely idea! And maybe one day we could do one of our collaborations here as well!" Pearl flapped her hands with excitement. "Of course, I'm sure you probably want to come out here to paint and have some alone time, too -- so no pressure." 

"Pfft, you kidding? We've only done one collaboration; don't even think for a second that I'm already sick of it." 

"Technically only _half_ of one, since I didn't quite do my part..." Pearl laughed awkwardly. 

"Can't blame you; writing is hard." Amethyst said. 

"So is painting!" Pearl said. "Though I guess we have our own talents, so it's probably not as hard for you as it is for me. I could never do abstract art... Whenever I draw or paint, I focus so much on making sure everything is neat, perfectly in place, not a single speck out of the lines, and I need it _exactly_ how I pictured it in my mind. It took me _hours_ to do coloring pages as a kid, and I drove my art teachers insane." 

"I drove mine insane too, but for different reasons." Amethyst said. "I'd always draw all over myself with the markers. And once they banned me from using the markers, I started eating the crayons." 

Pearl burst into laughter. "You sure sound like you were a handful." 

"That's putting it lightly." Amethyst tossed a corn kernel up in the air; a seagull swooped down and snatched it right up. "Whoa, did you see that?" 

"I did! You have excellent aim." Pearl remarked. 

"Thanks!" Amethyst held the bag of corn up to Pearl. "Here, you wanna try it?" 

"Alright, but I'll warn you my aim isn't very accurate..." Pearl blushed and reached in for another handful. She winded her arm up for a moment and then tossed it up into the air; the corn, however, somehow went in the opposite direction and bounced off the head of a stranger walking past, resulting in a distant "what the fuck?". 

Pearl immediately turned around and hid her face, and Amethyst wheezed with laughter. "Damn Pearl, you could throw a rock at the ground and miss!" she cackled. 

"I _told_ you I had awful aim!" Pearl blushed, but she was unable to hide the smile spreading across her lips. 

"Yeah, but I wasn't prepared for it to be _that_ bad!" Amethyst wiped a tear from her eye and sighed once her laughter died down, giving Pearl a rough pat on the back. "You crack me up, Pierogi." 

Still blushing, Pearl touched a hand to her cheek. "Ah... did you feel that? I think I felt a drop of rain." 

"Nope. You sure it wasn't a splash from the pond?" Amethyst asked. 

"I guess it could've been..." Pearl said, turning her attention back towards the ducks. She flinched as she felt another raindrop. "Ah, there it was again! I think it's startling to sprinkle." 

Amethyst felt a few drops hit her face as well. "Eh, maybe you're right." she said, wiping them off with her sleeve. "Wanna head over to that bench?" she suggested, gesturing to a old wooden bench sheltered perfectly beneath a tree. 

Sprinkling turned to full-on raining, and raining turned to pouring as the two hurried over to safety. "I should have brought my umbrella along..." Pearl sighed as she sat down. "Sorry, I should have planned this a little better." 

"Don't worry, I don't mind chilling in the rain for a bit." Amethyst said, sitting down beside Pearl and placing the bag of frozen corn aside. 

Pearl placed her hands on her lap, twiddling her thumbs. "Alright, that's good at least. I do enjoy watching the rain every now and then... It's just strange how suddenly it came on like that!" she remarked. 

"Yeah, it happens." Amethyst shrugged, leaning back and stretching her arm across the headrest of the bench. Smoothing out her skirt, Pearl found herself scooting a bit closer to Amethyst, rubbing her bare arms. "Though I wish I'd brought my jacket, or worn longer sleeves at the very least..." Pearl commented. 

"No wonder you're cold, you're such a skinny little thing." Amethyst sat upright and began to unbutton her red checkered flannel. "Here, wanna borrow this?" she asked. 

"Ah, but won't you be cold in just your tank top?" As cold as _she_ was, Pearl knew she'd feel guilty if Amethyst were to sacrifice her own comfort. 

"Nah, I was actually getting kinda warm." Amethyst handed the shirt over to Pearl with a smile. "Promise, it's fine." 

"Alright... Thank you." Pearl blushed, slipping her arms into the flannel; it was still warm from Amethyst's body heat. "That's much better... thank you." 

"No problem, girlie." Amethyst said. She stretched her arms again and placed them right back where they were; as much as Pearl tried to keep her gaze forward, she couldn't help but turn her eyes towards Amethyst every now and then, noticing how her tank top hugged her figure. Pearl also found herself eyeing the dark body hair under her arms, and this observation alone made butterflies flutter in Pearl's stomach. _'Don't be creepy.'_ she thought, shaking off the thoughts that began to enter her mind. 

"Damn, we still got all this corn left." Amethyst said, snapping Pearl out of her little daydream. "And it's almost thawed out. Maybe I can get the ducks to come on over here." 

"Good idea!" Pearl said, her cheeks still lightly flushed. 

Amethyst gently shook the bag in her hand, her gaze focused on a speckled brown duck straight ahead, huddled underneath a bush with her ducklings. She turned her head towards the bag of corn, but still didn't budge from the comfort of her nest. 

"Damn. Guess they're not hungry." Amethyst shrugged, tossing the bag of corn to the side. "Or at least not hungry enough to get a little wet. Which is weird, considering they're always swimming." 

A sudden _honk_ frighted both Pearl and Amethyst out of their skin, and they turned to see a huge, fat goose had approached them. 

"Aw, hell yeah!" Amethyst pumped her fist, while Pearl was still recovering from the shock of its dramatic entrance. Amethyst threw a handful of corn in the goose's direction, which he happily gobbled up. "Holy _shit_ Pearl, I've _never_ seen a goose this big! He probably gets fed three loaves of bread a day!" She shoved her hand into pocket and retrieved her phone. "I gotta take pictures of this chunky boy!" 

"What a cute little guy! Well -- not _little_ , but you know what I mean." Pearl shyly grabbed a handful of corn from the bag. Before she could even toss it onto the ground, however, the goose leaned right up and ate the corn straight from her palm. Pearl's jaw just about dropped to the ground, and she heard the 'click' of the camera on Amethyst's phone. 

"This guy's got guts!" Amethyst cackled, and the moment the goose was finished Pearl whipped a mini bottle of hand sanitizer from her skirt pocket and poured an excessive amount onto her palm. "H-he sure is eager!" Pearl stuttered, her skin crawling as she imagined just how many germs that goose must have left behind. 

"Here you go big guy; since the other birds are too pussy to come out in the rain, you can have the rest!" Amethyst said, dumping the remaining corn onto the grass. The goose honked happily and wiggled its little tail as it gobbled its snack right up. "Man, I think I'm gonna adopt this little fucker. I'm gonna name him Chumbo." 

"Are you planning to take him home?" Pearl teased. 

"Man, I wish! But that's probably some form of illegal." Amethyst said, taking one last picture of the goose before putting her phone away. "Besides, he's probably got friends. Maybe even a wife and kids." 

"Or a husband and kids!" Pearl added with a wink. 

"That's true, Chumbo is definitely a fellow gay." Amethyst grinned. 

As Chumbo finished up his frozen corn and waddled off, the rain finally began to slow down. "Would ya look at that! I think our buddy here controls the weather." Amethyst said. 

Pearl huffed with amusement. "Yes, of course! He only made it rain because he was grumpy about being hungry." she said, pulling herself to her feet and stretching. She re-adjusted the flannel on her shoulders. "By the way, are you feeling cold yet? This flannel is _so_ comfortable, but I don't want to keep it away from you!" 

"Not at all." Amethyst reassured, pulling herself to her feet. "Besides, you look super cute in it." 

Pearl blushed and covered her cheeks with her sleeves so Amethyst wouldn't see how flustered she'd gotten. "Oh, t-thank you!" she said, unable to suppress the smile spreading across her face. She took in the scent of the flannel once again, letting out a silent sigh; she could tell Amethyst had put on some sort of perfume, but it was something very mild and natural that Pearl found rather comforting, even though she couldn't make out whatever the exact scent was. "Anyway, let's head home, shall we?" she suggested. 

"Good idea." Amethyst shoved her hands into her jean pockets and led the way back to the sidewalk; as they headed towards the gates of the park, Pearl's heart was still pounding in her chest. _'Calm yourself! Don't look so deeply into such a small compliment...'_ she thought. 

As the clouds began to clear up and the sun continued its journey through the sky, Pearl caught a glimpse of a faint rainbow in the distance. The ducks began to retreat from their hiding places, and a small family of them pattered across the sidewalk in front of Pearl and Amethyst. A comfortable silence fell between the two, and for the moment, Pearl was far away from all of her unwanted thoughts .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is what chumbo looks like in case ur wondering 
> 
> https://pics.me.me/would-you-gentyhim-for-88-minutes-pet-27886100.png 
> 
> thanks 4 reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (trigger warning for religious homophobia and abuse in the first part of the chapter) 
> 
> i hope u enjoy! <3 also i just realized it might be confusing with some of the names ive changed so ill clarify it here: 
> 
> whitney = white diamond  
> peony = pink pearl  
> yasmine = yellow diamond  
> bella = blue diamond

Pearl buried her face into her book bag; she didn't want to see the expression on Whitney's face in the rear view mirror even though she knew _exactly_ what it'd be. Smiling as always, acting if everything was fine -- but her disappointment and rage lay just beneath the exterior. Pearl had chosen to sit in the back seat, while Peony sat in the front, completely unaware of the tension in the air; the only sounds filling the car were the gentle tap of Whitney's stiletto nails on the steering wheel and the clicking of buttons on Peony's gameboy. On any other day, Whitney would have tried to stir up some kind of conversation, asking her daughters how school went and whether or not they had any homework; normally Pearl found that obnoxious, but for once, the silence was beginning to drive her insane. 

After a car ride that felt like hours, Pearl felt the car come to a stop; she waited for Peony to get out first, and then her mother, before lifting up her tear stained face and shakily stepping out into the driveway. She wanted to take a deep breath, but at that moment taking _any_ kind of breath was a challenge. Lifting her bag over her shoulder, she trailed up the porch stairs, keeping her head down and eyes on the ground. 

Peony went straight up to her room; while that was what she normally did, Pearl couldn't ignore the slight twinge of anger at her sister for leaving her alone with their mother. Pearl wondered if she could do the same, but as she made her way towards the stairs, Whitney cleared her throat. "Darling, could you come sit on the couch with me? We need to have a little chat." she said, her voice surprisingly calm. 

Pearl wanted nothing more than to respond with "no" and continue up to her room; she'd already started digging her hole, why stop now? But no matter how hard she tried, her mouth couldn't form the words, so she placed her book bag on the floor and dragged her feet towards the living room. 

"Now, I think we both know what's going on." Whitney began, crossing her legs and folding her hands in her lap. "You got yourself into quite a bit of trouble today, didn't you?" 

Pearl burst into tears for what was probably the tenth time that day. "I'm sorry, I was stupid and I-" 

"Shh, come now. None of that." Whitney grabbed a box of tissues and handed it over to Pearl. "Do not beat yourself down over this. You're still a child and you have plenty of time to grow and learn from this." She gently placed a hand on Pearl's head, stroking her hair in an attempt to calm her down. "Now; do you remember what I told you about that Rose girl?" 

Pearl slowly nodded her head. 

"And what was it?" Whitney asked. 

"You... told me to stay away from her." Pearl sniffled. 

"I certainly did." Whitney nodded. "But I see now that you are not strong enough to handle these temptations on your own. And I'm afraid she won't be leaving that school any time soon -- certainly not with her mother as the principal." Whitney huffed. "And as long as you are around sinful homosexuals like them, you are going to continue acting and feeling this way, straying further and further away from the beautiful, obedient woman God intended you to be." 

Pearl nodded her head again, but she wasn't sure why; every word that left her mother's mouth only added to the rage building up in her chest. 

"That said... I forgive you, Pearl. And I'm going to help set you right back on track." Whitney rose to her feet, gesturing for Pearl to do the same. "But _my_ forgiveness is not what matters; you need to seek it from someone _else_ as well! And once you apologize for what you've done, and ask him to take away these sinful urges, every part of your life is going to get better from here." 

_'Fuck you. Nothing is ever going to get better for me as long as you're around.'_ Pearl slowly pulled herself to her feet, gazing up at the wooden cross hanging above the fireplace. It wasn't the first time she'd had to do something like this, so she knew exactly what her mother was asking of her. 

"Go on, I'm not going to apologize for you." Whitney said, nudging Pearl a little closer to the fireplace. Pearl shuddered at the feeling of her sharp acrylic nails on her back. She knelt down on the floor, placing her hands in her lap and drawing in a deep breath, closing her eyes. 

"I'm sorry, God." _'I'm not sorry. I never will be.'_ "I... I have been dealing with these temptations for so long, and I just... I just want you to cure me of my... of my sinful temptations." _'I don't. I know, lying is a sin... But I'm sure you understand why I'm doing it right now.'_ "Please... heal my soul and make me the way a woman should be." _'Please help me. Please.'_

* * *

Pearl softly hummed to herself as she popped two cups of fresh milk in the microwave; with the stove-top popcorn almost finished, all they needed was some hot chocolate to complete their cozy little movie "date". Amethyst was upstairs, setting up _The Little Mermaid_ on her DVD player in her bedroom, and once the microwave beeped, Pearl pulled the two mugs out and poured in the packets of hot cocoa. She mixed them both up with a spoon -- leaving a few chunks of cocoa unstirred in Amethyst's mug, as requested -- and placed them on a tray, along with the bowl of lightly buttered still-steaming popcorn. 

"I've arrived with snacks!" Pearl announced once she reached Amethyst's room, pushing the door open with her foot. Amethyst sat on the floor in front of the DVD player, her tongue sticking out as she fiddled with it. "Oh, awesome! You can set 'em on the desk, I'm still trying to get this ancient thing to turn on. I haven't used it since like... 2009, so I actually don't know if it works." 

"Alright, I'll leave that to you." Pearl chuckled, placing the tray on top of one of the thick books sitting on Amethyst's desk. She caught a quick glimpse of the notepad she'd been given when they attempted their collaboration a while back, and felt somewhat guilty at seeing that blank page... She shook it off, however, clearing some of the junk off of Amethyst's bed and carefully re-adjusting the blankets. 

"Ah, finally!" Amethyst said as the Disney logo popped up on the screen. She glanced back at Pearl with a somewhat confused expression. "...Watcha doing?" 

Pearl blushed. "Oh! Just... making your bed. Is that alright? Perhaps I should have asked?" 

"That's totally fine, as long as you're cool with me fucking it right back up." Amethyst teased. "And I don't mean that in a shitty way; I mean I never bother making my bed because I can't keep _anything_ neat for more than five seconds." 

"That's alright!" Pearl felt a little silly as she sat down on Amethyst's now-neatly made bed. "It's just a habit of mine, I suppose -- I never sat on an unmade bed back when I had one." 

"Wow, wild." Amethyst flopped down beside Pearl, extending a hand in her direction. "Give me some of that chocolate!" 

Pearl handed one of the mugs over to Amethyst, taking the other one for herself. She gently blew on the cocoa before taking a cautious sip; the temperature was just right. Leaning back against the pillows, she let out a soft sigh of content. 

As the opening music played, Pearl was unable to resist stimming happily with one hand, the other still holding the cup of cocoa; Amethyst glanced over in her direction, however, and she immediately stopped. "Ah, sorry, was that distracting?" 

"Nah, not at all! I just noticed you do that a lot when you're happy, and it's kinda cute." Amethyst remarked. 

"Ah, thank you... I-I do it without noticing sometimes because I'm autistic, and I'm a little self conscious of it, to be honest..." Pearl blushed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears. 

"Aw, don't even worry about it. At least not around me." Amethyst reassured with a yawn. "Do whatever the hell feels good, okay?" 

"Alright, thank you." Pearl responded, her cheeks still a little bit flushed. She took another sip of her hot chocolate, turning her focus back towards the movie... but her heart was still racing for a reason she was unsure of. She placed her cup aside and leaned back even further against the pillows in an attempt to relax herself, taking a slow breath. 

"I feel so comfortable around you." Pearl began. "This... might be cheesy, but I feel so much less restricted when it's just the two of us... Even around Jasper, before all of the drama, I felt like I sort of had to live up to the type of person I was back in high school... But around you, it's like I can start fresh." Pearl sighed happily. "And that's what I really needed. So... thank you for being here." 

No response. For a moment Pearl worried she was being too sentimental for Amethyst's comfort, but when she sat upright she saw that she'd fallen asleep. _'Goodness, already? I suppose I can't blame her, considering she was up all night...'_ she thought with a little smile, carefully taking the cup of cocoa from her hands and placing it on the desk so it wouldn't spill. She grabbed the wool throw blanket from the other end of the bed and carefully draped it over her, her heart racing a little bit more at the sight of Amethyst's peacefully sleeping face. It wasn't the most graceful image, she had to admit, especially once she began to snore, but it was still adorable how quickly she'd fallen asleep, and it was hard to catch Amethyst at a moment where she _didn't_ look beautiful. Smiling softly, Pearl brushed a strand of hair from Amethyst's face, her fingers grazing across her chubby cheek. 

_'Maybe it's a good thing she didn't hear me after all. I was being rather sappy...'_ she thought. 

Once she managed to pull her gaze away from Amethyst, Pearl laid down on the bed beside her; she had a slight urge to cuddle up to her but decided against it, not sure how Amethyst would feel about receiving affection when she wasn't awake to consent. Pearl half-watched the movie, half-watched the rise and fall of Amethyst's chest as she slept, and before she even knew it, she was dozing off and joining her in her dreams.

* * *

Amethyst woke to the opening screen of the DVD playing on loop; it took her a moment to realize she'd fallen asleep during the movie and she felt a little twinge of guilt. _'Damn it! I was really hoping to stay up.'_ she thought, wondering what time it even was. She glanced over and saw that Pearl was sleeping peacefully beside her and felt her guilt ease. _'Eh, at least she passed out too.'_

Amethyst began to pat around on the blankets in search of her phone, eventually realizing it had fallen onto the floor. She laid down on her stomach and reached down for it, struggling to grasp it with her short little arms, but eventually snatched it up and checked the time. 4:51. She'd been asleep for about four hours. _'Not too bad.'_

She rolled onto her back and stretched, contemplating whether or not to wake up Pearl. Sleeping during the day would probably throw off her sleep schedule... But she also looked _so_ comfortable curled up all comfy, and she didn't want to ruin that. Amethyst pulled the wool blanket off of herself, smiling as she realized Pearl must have draped it over her, and decided to return the favor, gently placing it over Pearl's sleeping body. She crawled out of bed and grabbed the empty cocoa mugs -- she wasn't sure what to do with the popcorn, and didn't want to throw it out, so she left it on the desk -- and tiptoed out of the room, making her way down the hallway and down the stairs. 

"Hey, butthead." Amethyst called to Jasper, who was relaxing on the couch with the remote in her hand. 

Jasper glared at her. "You look like you just woke up." 

Amethyst rolled her eyes. Of course she'd find _something_ to nitpick. "Yeah, I did. I just took a little nap, don't shit your pants over it." 

"Sure you did." Jasper responded in an unconvinced tone, turning her attention back towards the T.V. 

Amethyst bit her tongue before she could snap back at her and continued on her way to the kitchen. She placed the two dirty mugs into the sink and rinsed off the dried-up cocoa before sticking them in the top rack of the dish washer. 

"You better rinse off whatever you're putting in there." Jasper called from the living room. 

"Thanks, I'm a total dumbass who _totally_ didn't just do that." Amethyst groaned. "Get off my ass for once." 

"Why don't _you_ get off your ass for once?" Jasper snorted dismissively. 

Amethyst slammed the dish washer shut. "Listen asshole, I may be lazy and whatever the hell you wanna call me, but at least I'm not constantly wallowing in my own pity." she said as she made her way towards the living room. 

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Jasper said. 

"You had a good friend who cared about and loved you, and you treated her like literal _shit_." Amethyst continued. "All because you were jealous and wanted her all for yourself." 

"Excuse me? I _saved_ her by giving her a place to live!" Jasper rose to her feet. 

"Yeah, and then you made this place just as bad as her old place. All because you don't know how to fucking apologize!" 

"I don't deserve to be forgiven!" Jasper snapped. 

Amethyst tugged her hair in frustration. "That's not the fucking _point_! This isn't about what you 'deserve', it's about not making everyone in this house feel like we gotta walk on eggshells!" 

"Don't, then! Nobody's making you do that!" 

"You're not-" Amethyst began, but trailed off as she heard the sound of footsteps upstairs. 

Jasper, on the other hand, didn't seem to notice. "What?" 

"Nothing. Just... forget it." Amethyst sighed, waving a hand as she turned back to the stairs. "Go back to what you were doing, I don't give a fuck anymore." 

Jasper rolled her eyes, but was unable to wipe the look of concern off her face. "Uh... kay. Whatever." she said with a shrug, heading back over to the couch. 

As soon as Amethyst reached the top of the stairs, she met eyes with Pearl, who was leaning against the wall at the very end of the hallway; the glassy look in her eyes told Amethyst she'd heard just about everything. 

Amethyst's heart sank. "Shit... I-I'm sorry, I thought you were asleep, I didn't want you to-" 

"Please don't apologize." Pearl interrupted, resting a hand on Amethyst's shoulder. "I... I'm really glad you stood up to her." 

Amethyst wiped tears away from her face, forcing a smile. "You call that standing up to her? Pfft..." 

"I do." Pearl pulled Amethyst into a tight hug. "And... I think... tonight, I'm going to try and make things right with her." she said once she pulled away, wiping her own tears from her cheeks. "Or at the very least, take the first step. I don't want us to all keep feeling like this... It's only going to get worse until we do something."

* * *

The sun had just begun to set, and Jasper was already getting herself ready for bed. Her skin was still crawling from her little shouting match with Amethyst earlier that day, which only got worse as she walked past her bedroom and heard her chatting with Pearl, but she pushed it aside as she continued into her room. 

As Jasper locked the door behind herself, she caught a glimpse of a small piece of paper on the floor, folded up into a neat square. With a confused expression, she reached for it and unfolded it, her heart sinking as she saw some very familiar cursive handwriting. 

_Jasper,_

_I don't like to eavesdrop, but it was hard not to overhear your conversation with Amethyst earlier. I'm thankful I did, though, because it helped me realize that things are not going to get any better unless we both swallow our pride and talk to each other. I'm not as good at using my spoken words when it comes to these sorts of things, so forgive me if this letter comes off as dramatic or condescending; that couldn't be farther from my intent. My only goal here is to make myself heard._

_I forgive you, Jasper. I don't know if you're sorry, and it may not be my place to forgive you for what you did to Amethyst, but at the very least, I forgive you for the way you treated me. And I owe you an apology as well. I was incredibly overwhelmed when we had that fight, but it does not excuse what I said; what happened to you was real. I shouldn't have had to hear it from Rose's mouth to believe it, but I suppose that's what it took. She also wanted me to tell you she's sorry for what she did to you back then, and if you wish to hear it, I could tell you her explanation, but that's not what I want to focus on at the moment. And in all honesty, I understand if you'd rather not forgive either of us._

_We don't have to be friends. All I ask is that we try not to be enemies._

_-Pearl._


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i had fun writing this one :3c and uhh trigger warning for alcohol but that's about it! i hope you enjoy!!!

_She told me I could be perfect,_  
_but I just kept missing my chance._  
_I wore my skirt, sat on the pew,_  
_kept my eyes and voice low;_  
_but in the end, I was still sick._

* * *

Pearl's heart was still racing in her chest as she closed the door behind herself, and her hands trembled slightly from what she'd just done. Sliding a note beneath Jasper's door was probably the most cowardly thing she could have done -- but it was also the _only_ thing she could bring herself to do, in all honesty. 

"You good?" Amethyst asked, noticing the uneasy expression on Pearl's face. 

"Y-yes, just nervous." Pearl said, making her way back over to Amethyst's bed. "I really hope Jasper doesn't take the note the wrong way..." 

"If she does, that's her problem." Amethyst said, placing a comforting hand on Pearl's back. "I read it over a million times and can tell you for sure that you're doing the right thing. You're being the bigger person and that's hard as fuck, so I gotta admire that." 

"Alright..." Pearl took a deep breath. "You're right. If she doesn't want to mend things after reading this letter, well... At least we can't say I didn't try." 

"That's the spirit!" Amethyst grinned and gave Pearl a reassuring pat. "Now come on, let's do something to get our minds off all this bullshit. That sound good?" 

"I think that would be nice..." 

"Sweet! What are you up to doing? Wanna go hang out with Dot and Garnet?" Amethyst suggested. 

Pearl sadly shook her head. "I'm sorry... But I don't know if that's what I need right now." 

"You don't need to be sorry." Amethyst said. "How about... another walk through the park?" 

"I think I'd rather stay home, if I'm going to be honest -- even though that probably doesn't make sense, since the source of my anxiety is, well, here." Pearl blushed and fidgeted in her seat. "Sorry to be so boring; I guess I just don't really know what I need." 

"I swear, you apologize so much I could make it a drinking game." Amethyst teased. "You don't have to be sorry, okay?" 

"Hey, I'm only being polite!" Pearl huffed. 

"I know, I know, but you don't _need_ to. You're allowed to say no to things and set your own boundaries." Amethyst said. 

"It's a tough habit to break, I suppose." Pearl sighed. 

"I can't blame ya." Amethyst ran her fingers through her hair as she tried to come up with another idea. "How about... another art collab?" 

Pearl's heart leaped at that suggestion. "Excellent idea! But..." Her expression fell. "I already gave my poetry book to Rose, so I unfortunately don't have anything on hand that you could base your painting on, I'm sorry..." 

"That's it, I'm getting the vodka." Amethyst rolled off of her bed, leaving Pearl utterly confused until she'd realized what had happened. "I apologized again, didn't I?" she chuckled and cupped a hand over her mouth. 

"Damn right you did, so I'm officially making this a drinking game." Amethyst reached under her bed and dragged out a half-full bottle of vodka; Pearl was tempted to question why she had that stored under her bed of all places, but decided against it, realizing this was _Amethyst_. She popped off the cap and took three sips straight from the bottle. "There. One for each unnecessary apology you've given me so far. So you better stop if you don't wanna give me alcohol poisoning." Amethyst teased. 

Pearl couldn't help but burst into laughter. "Alright, alright, fair enough." she said. Her gaze still lingered on the bottle in Amethyst's hands... "Could I try some of that? I've never had the opportunity to try alcohol before..." 

"That doesn't surprise me. Here ya go." Amethyst said, handing the bottle over to Pearl. 

Pearl wiped the rim of the bottle off with her shirt before taking a sip. She immediately cringed and shook her head. "Blegh! I guess I wasn't really missing out; this is awful!" 

"What are you talking about? It barely tastes like anything." Amethyst cackled. 

"It smells like a permanent marker and burns like vinegar. Its only redeeming quality seems to be that it gets you drunk." Pearl said. 

"That's fair." Amethyst shrugged. "I guess it's not the best drink for beginners, anyway." 

"Sorry, but I guess it's not my thing." Pearl said with a wink. 

Amethyst raised an eyebrow as she took the bottle from Pearl again. "I _know_ you did that on purpose. Bitch." she said as she took another sip. 

"Sorry, but I don't know what you're talking about!" Pearl responded in a fake-innocent tone, holding in her own laughter. "Sorry to disappoint you, Amethyst! You'll have to forgive me!" 

"You little shit!" Amethyst burst into laughter and gave Pearl a playful shove, before taking two more sips of vodka. 

"That was technically _three_ apologies, you know." Pearl teased. 

"Eat shit, I'm only counting the S word." Amethyst snorted. "Anyway, before you decided you wanted to _murder_ me, I came up with an idea for our little art collab that we can actually do without your notebook." 

"Oh? Go on." Pearl said, the smile on her face still lingering from screwing around with Amethyst's little drinking game. 

"Just ooone sec!" Amethyst said, jumping to her feet and heading over to her closet. As she waited, Pearl eyed the bottle of vodka again. _'Hmm...'_ She reached for it again, wiping off the rim once more, and took another sip _just_ to make sure it was as bad as she thought it was one minute ago. _'Yep, still gross.'_ she mentally remarked, placing the lid back on the bottle and setting it aside. 

Amethyst returned with a heavy book in her hand, dropping it down on the bed. "Sometimes when I can't think of anything to paint, I just open up a book to a random page and base my painting off of the very first word I see. So I was thinking maybe both of us could do the same word! So we're still _technically_ collaborating." 

"Ohh, I see! That's a clever way to get your creative juices flowing." Pearl nodded. "In that case, since we're trying out something new today... May I suggest something as well?" 

"Go for it." 

"What if we switched things up a little bit? As in _you_ try writing a poem, and I give painting a shot!" Pearl said. "It might be a little bit easier for me -- I hold myself to such a high standard when I write, but since I'm new to painting, I won't be quite as critical of myself." 

"Oh yeah, that sounds fun!" Amethyst said. "I mean, my poem will probably turn out like shit, but I think it'll still be fun!" 

"I doubt that; you have such a creative mind, I'm sure you could convey it in words just as well as you do in painting!" 

"Pfft, well, let's hope so." Amethyst said. "But first things first; let's get our topic!" 

Amethyst laid the heavy book down on the bed and flipped it open to a random page; she placed her finger on a random spot and read aloud the first word she saw. "Butterfly!" 

"That's perfect!" Pearl clasped her hands together. Butterflies were carefree and colorful just like Amethyst's paintings, and if she was going to attempt a new medium of art, there was no better subject than this. 

The two of them both began to set up their materials; Pearl laid out a canvas and a palette of paint on the floor, while Amethyst sat at the desk with her feathered pen and college ruled notebook. As Pearl reached for the paint brush, she heard the sound of heavy footsteps in the hallway and felt a lump in her throat as she was reminded of the note she'd left for Jasper. Not wanting to think about that whole situation again, she cleared her throat to speak. "It's funny, I was never too afraid of bugs when I was a child... But butterflies were the one bug that did frighten me." Pearl said, dipping her brush into the sky blue puddle of paint and spreading it across her canvas. 

"Really?" Amethyst said. "You had no problem taking care of that centipede at Peridot's apartment, but those girly little butterflies freak you out?" 

"Well, I'm not afraid of them _anymore!_ " Pearl clarified. "I guess it I wasn't so much that I was afraid _of_ them, though; I was more... uncomfortable with how delicate they were. My sister once told me their wings were so fragile, they'd break if I touched them. She... was probably just teaching me to be careful, now that I look back on it, but the thought of hurting such a beautiful thing made me want to cry, so I ended up feeling nervous whenever they were around." 

"Damn. And here I was throwing worms at girls on the playground who bullied me." Amethyst snorted; Pearl could see from the corner of her eye that she was writing something down as she talked. "I feel kinda bad about that, though. Those poor worms didn't deserve to be chucked at those assholes." 

Pearl burst into laughter. "The more you tell me about your childhood, the more I feel like we probably wouldn't have gotten along. It's a good thing we met as adults rather than kids, isn't it?" 

"Yeah, guess so. I was kinda awful, so I would've hated me too." Amethyst smirked. 

"I didn't mean it like that; I just meant that we were very different..." Once she decided to move on to the next color, Pearl dipped her paint brush into the plastic cup of water, watching the little blue clouds of paint as they fogged up the water. "I was such a goody-two shoes, always focused on being ladylike and polite... You seemed to be so rowdy and carefree, like every kid deserved to be." 

"Uh..." Amethyst leaned back in her chair, tilting her head back to look at Pearl. "I mean this in the nicest possible way, but uh... isn't that kinda... how you _still_ are?" 

Pearl couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of annoyance. "How is that...?" 

"Like I said earlier, you apologize a _lot._ And you're always sitting with your legs crossed, always looking so dainty, always wanting to clean up after me and Jasper... Almost feels like you'd apologize for breathing too much." Amethyst tapped her fingers on the desk, looking as if she somewhat regretted bringing it up. "And like, there's nothing wrong with apologizing a lot or wanting to be polite and stuff. But I dunno... I guess it seems kinda unhealthy sometimes. I don't want you thinking you gotta be a doormat. Is that shitty of me?" 

Pearl bit her lip. "I... I guess you may have a point, but..." Pearl trailed off, absentmindedly swirling her brush around in the water. 

"Sorry, I guess I kinda said it in a douchey way..." Amethyst mumbled. "I put you in a weird position. We can, uh, drop the subject if you wanna. Kinda lose my filter when I'm tipsy..." 

"I think we should..." Pearl had to restrain herself from punctuating that sentence with a "sorry". 

A silence fell between the two that wasn't quite awkward, but not quite comfortable either; instead of making more attempts to converse, Pearl decided it was best to just focus on finishing up her painting. The more she tried to perfect it, however, the more of a sloppy mess it became. That alone was driving her insane, but she put all of her willpower into not worrying about it, simply focusing on relaxing and enjoying herself -- but neither of those seemed to be happening. Paint smudged in places she wanted to be more uniform, and the once vibrant colors mixed into a bunch of murky greys and browns; by the time she was finished (or as finished as she could get), tears had begun to spill from her eyes. 

"Okay, I think I got a decent poem down!" Amethyst announced after a few moments of silence, causing Pearl to jump in surprise; she dramatically placed her pen down on the table, turning her body towards Pearl. "How bout you, P?" 

Pearl didn't respond, simply staring at the hideous painting lying before her and feeling a wave of shame wash over her. 

"...P?" Amethyst said, standing up from her desk and bringing her notebook with her. 

Pearl burst into tears and buried her face into her hands. Biting her lip, Amethyst cautiously pushed her chair in and approached her. "Aw geez... I'm sorry, Pearlie. Is this because of what I said earlier? It was stupid, I should have-" 

"It's not just that." Pearl sniffled, wiping her face on her sleeve. "Just... the combination of _everything_ that happened today. Not know how Jasper will react to my note, hearing you two fight earlier... And to top things off, my painting is _hideous_! I'm sorry to be so negative, it's just... so much right now..." 

"Aw... Pearl..." Amethyst said, sitting down on the floor beside her and wrapping one arm around her waist. "It's gonna be alright. Everything is gonna be alright soon! But you know... rules are rules..." she continued, her hand slowly reaching over for the bottle of vodka. Confused by Amethyst's words, Pearl looked up from her hands and saw what Amethyst was doing. She tried to hold back her laughter, but that only lasted a for second. " _Amethyst!_ " 

"Hey, you're the one that said the 'S' word!" Amethyst teased, winking at Pearl as she unscrewed the cap and took a sip straight from the bottle. "Anyway, show me that painting already! I'm sure it's cool as all fuckery!" 

"Ah, alright..." Pearl took a deep breath, still working on calming herself down. She hesitantly handed the canvas over to Amethyst. 

"Aww, Pearlie! Are you serious? This is cool as _fuck!_ " Amethyst said, her eyes widening. 

"Come on, you don't have to pity me..." Pearl smiled awkwardly. 

"I'm not, dude! It's actually awesome!" Amethyst said. "Like, the smudgies kinda make it look like the butterfly was splashing around in the mud. It's a rowdy girl, like me!" 

Pearl couldn't help but smile. "Aw... I guess that's one way to look at it, isn't it?" 

"And I like that her wings are a little wonky. You know nobody's _really_ symmetrical, right? I got one hand that's bigger than the other!" Amethyst held both of her hands out to Pearl. "See? Lefty's bigger!" 

Pearl let out a slight giggle. "I guess that's true, huh? And if this butterfly has a lot in common with you, it certainly must be beautiful like you..." 

"Hell yeah it is!" Amethyst said, taking another sip of the vodka. "So don't be so hard on yourself. It's your first time painting, so you're obviously not gonna be Picasso, but that doesn't mean it's not good!" 

"I guess so..." Pearl said, sniffling and wiping her face again. "Thank you for being so kind. And hey, why are you drinking again? I didn't even say sorry!" 

"You did just now." Amethyst winked. "I predicted the future!" 

Pearl burst into laughter. "You really are something, aren't you?" 

"You want another try?" Amethyst asked, holding the bottle in Pearl's direction. "No pressure, though; I just don't wanna be greedy." 

"Ah... sure!" Pearl said, hesitantly reaching for the bottle again. If Amethyst was going to be drunk, she might as well join her; while she wasn't what anyone would consider an experienced drinker, she did know being drunk wasn't very fun to do alone. She took a hesitant sip, this time not caring enough to wipe off the bottle. "I'm going to be honest, I might have to try a few different kinds before I get into this whole drinking thing..." 

"That's fine; you don't even have to get 'into' drinking at all if you don't wanna." Amethyst leaned back against the bed. "Anyway, wanna see my poem?" 

"Of course!" Pearl said, feeling somewhat silly; she'd almost forgotten about Amethyst's poem altogether. _'Wonder if the alcohol is already kicking in.'_ she mentally noted, not entirely sure how much she'd have to drink before actually feeling anything, or how quick it would be. 

"Here ya go!" Amethyst handed the notebook over to Pearl; her handwriting was small and a bit sloppy, Pearl noticed, but not so much that it was illegible. She'd even drawn an outline around the poem and surrounded it with little doodles of butterflies.

_i can feel their wings pounding on my ribs_  
_banging to get out, searching for light._  
_when i was little, people would tell me_  
_i had butterflies in my belly._  
_but these little things have furry antennae_  
_and mostly come out at night._  
_if butterflies mean i'm nervous,_  
_what does it mean when there's moths instead?_

By the time she'd finished reading the poem, Pearl was smiling from ear to ear. "Oh my _goodness,_ Amethyst, that is adorable!" Pearl exclaimed, hugging the notebook against her chest. "You have such a creative mind -- you really should do this more often!"

"Aw, thanks." Amethyst said with a slight blush on her face. "You sure you're not just saying that to flatter me?" 

"Certainly not! You really do have so much potential -- sure, you're undeniably a beginner, and it could use a little tweaking here and there, but that could be said about any poem on the face of the earth!" Pearl said; her dampened mood from earlier seemed to have vanished into thin air. "Trust me when I say that I love it. I like that you chose to go with a metaphorical meaning of butterflies; I almost feel silly for taking such a literal route, now." 

Amethyst gave Pearl a playful nudge. "Nothing wrong with being literal. Sometimes the metaphors get old, and you want a piece of art that just tells you like it is." Amethyst gestured to the painting. "And that, right there, is a sweet butterfly that's going _right_ on my wall as soon as it dries." 

"Ame..." Pearl teared up again, pulling Amethyst into a tight embrace. "Thank you so much..." 

Amethyst returned the hug, caught slightly off guard by the sudden affection but certainly not bothered by it. "Hey, just telling the truth..." she said, gently rocking her back and forth. "And hey... I'm sorry about the thing I said earlier." 

"You don't have to be." Pearl reassured. 

"Yeah, but still..." 

The conversation trailed off, but their hug didn't. For the time being, Pearl was perfectly content staying right where she was in Amethyst's arms. Part of her felt like she should let go soon to keep from being awkward, but... she simply couldn't bring herself to. 

"You're wonderful..." she whispered. Her long fingers grazed against Amethyst's spine, and she heard her draw in a soft breath at the touch. Pearl's heart pounded in her chest as she slowly pulled away from the hug, her gaze melting right into Amethyst's dark irises. Her eyes slowly moved downward to her plump lips; she noticed the faintest hint of sparkle left from lipgloss that she'd probably put on earlier that day. A sudden rush of bravery sprung up in Pearl and she pressed her lips against Amethyst's. 

The kiss lasted for no more than a second, and felt so... foreign. Definitely not what Pearl had expected; it had been so long since she'd last kissed someone, she'd almost forgotten what it felt like. As she pulled away, she saw the dazzled look in Amethyst's eyes. "When did _you_ get so brave?" she slurred, tracing a finger along Pearl's jawline. 

"H-hah, I guess... Must have been the alcohol..." Pearl blushed, her gaze going right back down to her hands. 

"Pfft. You had like, two super tiny sips of it, girlie. That’s not even enough to get a hamster buzzed." Amethyst teased. "Probably just gazebo." 

"You mean placebo." 

"Yeah, gazebo." 

Pearl rolled her eyes, still unable to wipe the amused grin off of her face. "Alright, you’re the expert.” she teased. Her expression softened a bit before she continued. “But, um... was that okay? I-I should have asked first, I shouldn’t have assumed you’d..." Pearl trailed off, her cheeks burning with shame and refusing to look into Amethyst's eyes. 

"Lemme see if this answers your question." Amethyst said. She leaned forward and tilted Pearl's head back up so they were facing each other, kissing her once more. Relief and excitement washed over Pearl as she melted into the kiss and wrapped her arms around Amethyst, tugging her even closer.


	12. Chapter 12

_My hands will sweat and tremble_   
_And my teeth will clench so tight_   
_But when I remember your smile_   
_For a moment, I'm alright._

* * *

Pearl hissed as the hot water hit her skin; she adjusted the "cold" shower knob until it was at a less scalding temperature, and let out a sigh of content once it finally felt right. Pearl had waken up in a wonderful mood that morning; perhaps it was because she'd slept in an actual bed rather than on the couch, or maybe it was relief of taking her first step towards mending her relationship with Jasper. That said, she tried her best not to acknowledge her good mood too much; if she did that, she knew she'd somehow end up jinxing it. Still, the smile refused to fade from her face as she washed herself and sang just below her breath. 

But the more Pearl tried not to think about it, the more difficult it became, and soon her cheerful mood turned into worry. _'But what if she doesn't accept my apology?'_ she thought. _'No, don't worry about that right now. What matters is that I tried. And I'll have more chances to try in the future.'_ Pearl rinsed out the last of the bubbly shampoo from her scalp. Once she was done, she turned the shower off and squeezed the excess water from her hair. _'It's gotten long... I should get a haircut soon.'_ she thought. Pearl stepped out of the shower and grabbed her towel, drying herself off before slipping into the long-sleeved, polka-dotted pink dress she'd hung on the towel rack. After brushing her teeth and washing her face in the sink, she finally felt awake and refreshed enough to go downstairs. As she made her way down the hallway towards the stairway, she passed Amethyst's bedroom and paused by her door, listening to the soft sound of her snoring. 

_'I kissed Amethyst.'_

For a split second, she felt ashamed for her impulsive actions from the previous night, but they slowly turned to feelings of excitement, of butterflies, and... wanting _more._ Amethyst had enjoyed the kiss -- or was there two? Her memory was a tad foggy -- just as much as Pearl did. Letting out a happy sigh, Pearl clutched a hand over her chest as she descended the stairs and strolled into the kitchen. 

_'I wonder what this means for us...'_ she thought. _'Does she have feelings for me...? Or was she just drunk and horny?'_ Pearl let out another sigh, so caught up in thinking about Amethyst that she didn't even notice Jasper was downstairs until she cleared her throat. 

Pearl let out a startled squeak and grasped the collar of her dress. "Dear Lord -- I didn't know you were there!" 

Jasper looked up from her breakfast with a slightly amused (but mostly tired) expression on her face. "Yeah, uh. Here I am." she said, making a few seconds of eye contact with Pearl before turning her gaze back down to the coffee and toast in front of her. 

An awkward silence fell between the two. Pearl felt like her chest was going to burst open from the tension filling the room, so she decided to speak up first. "I... Um..." she sputtered, eventually giving up trying to make any small talk and jumping straight to the point. "The note. Did you see my note? Or..." 

"Yeah, I did. I somehow managed to decipher your fancy ass cursive handwriting." Jasper smirked. Another uncomfortable silence. Seeming to understand that Pearl was struggling to use her words, Jasper pulled herself to her feet. "Come here." 

Pearl tensed, unsure of what Jasper meant by that at first; but when she saw her extended arms, she immediately understood and ran straight into her tight embrace. 

"It's gonna be alright..." Jasper whispered, gently rocking her back and forth. "I really fucked up... I'm not gonna fix myself overnight, but... I wanna get better. I wanna treat you better, and..." She paused, as if she _really_ didn't want to say what was coming next. "And I wanna treat Amethyst better." 

Pearl melted into Jasper's warm hug, comforted enough by her touch and promising words that she was able to overlook how reluctant she sounded about that last statement. There was a lot of things they needed to straighten out before the three of them could truly be at peace, but for the time being, Pearl was relieved to be in Jasper's arms once again. 

_'Should I tell her what happened...?'_ she thought for a moment, but immediately shook it off once she realized how ridiculous that was. _'No, no, I don't even fully understand what's going on myself! She doesn't need to know yet...'_ Pearl slowly pulled away from the hug, wiping away tears she hadn't even noticed had begun rolling down her cheeks. "Do you forgive me?" Pearl's voice cracked just a little. 

"Of course." Jasper ruffled Pearl's still-damp hair, making her giggle. "And I really can't blame you for thinking I was lying. I was being a massive dick, okay?" 

"Alright... That's a relief to hear. That you forgive me, I mean." Pearl smiled shyly, wringing her hands in front of her chest. "Ah, perhaps you should get going -- wouldn't want to make you late to work." she added, noting it was getting dangerously close to the time Jasper normally took off. 

"Don't worry, I actually don't have to be there for another half hour. I just like getting there early most days, but... I'm really glad I talked to you this morning." Jasper reassured. "And I promise we'll talk more about this when I get home." 

"With Amethyst?" Pearl asked. "Remember, this isn't just between the two of us." 

"Yeah." Jasper nodded. Pearl couldn't ignore her slight twinge of frustration at Jasper's hesitant tone of voice... But she brushed it off for now, simply allowing herself to feel relieved that Jasper was her friend once again, and that she _did_ plan to start treating Amethyst better.

* * *

Amethyst's morning was filled with the tingling, nauseating sensation of butterflies (or moths?) in her stomach, as well as a mild hangover. From the moment she opened her eyes, the first thought on her mind was the sweet taste of Pearl's soft, gentle lips. As she dragged herself down the stairs, still in her plaid pajamas and black tank top, there mere thought of breakfast made her stomach feel queasy. 

"Ughhh..." she groaned dramatically, resting her face on the kitchen table. Why did feelings -- especially the _good_ ones like romance -- have to come with physical side effects? She lifted her head to look at the time on the stove; almost 1. Pearl would be getting home from the library any minute, now. She wondered how Pearl would feel about their kiss from last night; part of Amethyst kind of hoped she wouldn't even acknowledge it, just to avoid dealing with all of the awkwardness... but the other part of her couldn't stop thinking about it, and was even craving more... 

_'Don't get your hopes up.'_ she thought, rubbing her face. _'She said she had feelings for Jasper... and now that they might be making up, she'll probably go right back to her.'_ It had been so long since Amethyst had a crush on anyone, and even longer since someone returned those feelings; but she reminded herself that this was simply the heat of the moment, and that it'd probably fade in a matter of days. 

She heard the sound of tires on the gravel of the driveway; Pearl was home. Unsure of how she'd be feeling -- knowing Pearl, she was probably a nervous wreck and regretting last night -- she pulled herself to her feet and decided to make her cup of tea. She filled Pearl's favorite mug with some water and popped it in the microwave. As she rummaged through the cabinet for the tea bags, she heard the keys in the door. _'Alright, just chill. It won't be weird if you don't make it weird.'_

"Good afternoon!" Pearl called from the entry room, her tone mostly cheerful but with a _hint_ of anxiety beneath it. 

"Hey!" Amethyst called back, pulling out the various boxes of tea and setting them on the counter. _'Fuck, what kind does she like again?'_ "How're you doing?" 

"I'm doing just fine..." Pearl tugged off her teal flats and placed them on the shoe rack. "And you?" 

"Same here." Amethyst said. "Uh, what kinda tea do you like? I thought I'd make you some, and maybe lunch too if you're hungry?" 

"Any kind is alright with me, but green is my favorite!" Pearl clasped her hands together and smiled warmly. "And I had lunch before I left, but thank you anyway! I can always appreciate a nice cup of tea, though." 

"No problem, I just assumed you'd wanna relax after being around those rowdy beasts." Amethyst dropped the green tea bag into the steaming cup of water. She stayed facing the microwave, not sure if she was ready to look Pearl in the eye just yet. 

"They were actually rather well behaved today." Pearl leaned against the kitchen table. "One of them picked their nose before asking me for a high five, though. I was too nice to say no, so I just drenched my hands with hand sanitizer afterwards." she continued with a shudder. 

"Ha! That's kids for ya." Amethyst said; after moving the tea bag around in the cup for a few moments (she always wondered if that actually made any difference), she handed the mug over to Pearl, locking eyes with her for the first time that morning. "Here." 

"Thank you." Pearl said, taking in the sweet scent of the steaming tea. She cast her gaze down towards the cup, taking a small sip to test the temperature and flavor. "Perfect." 

The two stood in an uncomfortable silence, neither one of them wanting to address the elephant in the room. Amethyst fidgeted nervously, unsure if she should stay and chat with Pearl a little more, or if she should give her some space; she assumed she probably hadn't gotten much alone time that morning, but then Pearl set her cup down and shifted her gaze back towards Amethyst before she could turn to leave. "So..." she began, taking a slight breath before continuing. "What happened last night was, um... Definitely an impulsive decision on my part... But I don't think I regret it, either. Do you?" 

"Nah... not at all." Amethyst said, twirling her hair around her finger. 

"Alright, good." Pearl let out a sigh of relief. "So... what does it mean for us? Are we still..." She trailed off again, not wanting to finish that sentence but hoping Amethyst knew how she'd finish it. 

"Still what?" Amethyst didn't quite understand what Pearl was hinting at. 

"...Friends?" 

Amethyst's heart ached; she couldn't _believe_ Pearl felt like she had to ask that! "Are you kidding? Of _course_ I wanna stay friends with you! No kiss could ever change that!" 

"Ah, I do too!" Pearl blushed. "I guess what I meant was... Do you think we're also something _more_ than friends?" 

"Well..." Amethyst hesitantly reached for Pearl's hand. "We can be, if you want to." she said, gently stroking Pearl's knuckles. 

"I... think I do." Pearl's cheeks flushed at the soft display of affection. "But... I'm also not sure I'm ready to commit to anything just yet." 

"You don't have to." Amethyst reassured. "If you want, we can just be friends who like to kiss sometimes. Or we could go back to being friends who don't kiss. It's up to you." 

"I think, for now... I'd like to be your friend who kisses you." Pearl smiled softly. "But that could change in the future. All I know is that kissing you last night felt wonderful... Perhaps a little awkward, but... _So_ wonderful. I want more of it." 

"Well, that can be arranged." Amethyst grinned. Pearl's expression immediately brightened, and Amethyst pressed a finger against her forehead _just_ as she began to lean closer. "But not right now, you goof. I just woke up. At least lemme brush my teeth first." she said with a wink. 

"Ah, right! Forgive me, I'm being impulsive again." Pearl blushed and buried her face into her hands. 

"You should be impulsive more often." Amethyst teased. "Anyway, be right back." 

As Amethyst headed up the stairs, Pearl sat down at the kitchen table and ran her fingers through her hair. _'Breathe, Pearl. Don't push things too fast.'_ she thought, taking the tea bag out of her cup and shaking a few droplets off before tossing it in the garbage. She took another sip, the tea filling her with warmth and instantly helping her relax a bit more. By the time her cup was emptied, Amethyst came back downstairs; she'd changed out of her pajamas into a pair of jeans, a black tee shirt, and denim jacket on top. Not Amethyst's typical wear for when she was simply hanging around the house; Pearl wondered if she planned on going somewhere later. "Alright, _now_ you can kiss me. I'm minty fresh." Amethyst said, resting her elbow on the table. "If you still wanna, that is." 

"Without a doubt." Pearl smiled, leaning in and bringing her lips to Amethyst's. Compared to last night, this kiss felt far more natural; still hesitant and inexperienced, but Pearl felt like she could just melt against Amethyst's mouth. Once their lips parted, Pearl gazed into her pretty blue eyes -- wait, weren't they brown just a minute ago? -- and brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. 

"Do you wear contacts?" Pearl asked, tilting her head in curiosity. 

"Yeah. You just now noticed?" Amethyst said. 

"I guess so." Pearl shrugged. "I love your eyes with and without contacts... Blue is so vibrant and fresh, while brown is warm and comforting..." 

"Aww, thanks miss poetry major." Amethyst teased, sitting down in the chair beside Pearl. Her anxiety from earlier had almost completely subsided, now. She leaned against the table and watched as Pearl stimmed by stroking her finger on the rim of her mug. _'She's so cute...'_ "Anyway. Aside from the booger kid, how was your library thing? Did the kids color you any cute pictures?" 

"They certainly did!" Pearl's eyes lit right up. "And that actually reminds me..." Pearl reached into her dress pocket (which she'd sewn in herself a few years back) and pulled out a folded up coloring page. "First, look at what Steven colored for me! Isn't that just adorable?" She held up the picture of various African animals surrounded by a bunch of trees and rocks, _mostly_ colored within the thick coloring book lines. "Mrs. Fluorite read _'Pinduli'_ today, which is a story about a little hyena who gets bullied by the other savanna animals -- oh, but before I start rambling, look at this!" 

Pearl flipped the paper around, showing Amethyst what was written on the back in pink crayon. 

"Friday @ 7:30 PM   
112 Rhombus Street   
bring a friend ;)" 

"Wow, uh, that's cryptic." Amethyst said, not really sure what this was leading up to. 

"Not at all!" Pearl placed the coloring page on the table and clasped her hands together. "Rose has invited me to her weekly family game night! And, um... If you'd like to, I was wondering if you'd want to come along? Since you _are_ my friend, hehe..." 

"Oh!" Amethyst, if she was going to be honest, wasn't entirely sure how to feel about this; she'd never even _met_ this Rose before, and from what she'd heard about her, wasn't sure if she _wanted_ to... But Pearl seemed to have a good feeling about this, so she decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. "Sure, why not. I'll try my best not to be awkward." 

"Rose can be rather awkward herself, so I wouldn't worry too much." Pearl giggled. "And I have a feeling her son will be the center of attention, anyway. He's a rowdy little thing." 

"Hah, that's true." Amethyst said. "Were you thinking of dragging along the butthead, too? Or do you think it's gonna be a while before you guys start hanging out again?" 

It took Pearl a moment to realize she was referring to Jasper. "Hm? Oh, I don't think so... As much as I'd love to have her come, I sincerely doubt she's ready for that... Perhaps sometime in the future, though, once things have mellowed out around here." 

"That's good; I couldn't see her wanting to do that, anyway. I'm guessing we probably shouldn't mention this to her, then?" 

"I think that'd be best." 

Another silence fell between the two; Pearl went to take another sip of tea only to realize it was already empty, so she set her mug aside. Amethyst reached for her hand once again and gave it a gentle squeeze, which Pearl returned eagerly. Her heart fluttered in her chest; for the first time in quite a while, Pearl was feeling excited for the future.


End file.
